tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50128900605973014272024-03-14T08:51:30.380+13:00Migrant Emotions - Become a more settled migrant - Read The BookHelping you deal with immigration, Ellie Baker, author of the book 'The Emotional Challenges of Immigration' educates you on how to cope and deal with the loss and change in environment relating to immigration. No matter where you're from.Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-78193271252264689572020-06-12T12:24:00.000+12:002020-06-12T12:24:07.261+12:00How has Covid19 affected migrants? What helps?<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7EOeJuSmoNU/Xt_TJR6DGMI/AAAAAAAABhs/6okGUqh0VYoB_JPXIgq592u9Uy2JPwtVgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Covid19.1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7EOeJuSmoNU/Xt_TJR6DGMI/AAAAAAAABhs/6okGUqh0VYoB_JPXIgq592u9Uy2JPwtVgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Covid19.1.jpg" /></a>Our era of Covid19
has been scary. I have felt a heightened tension throughout the lockdown. Tears
well easily. Global uncertainty is the new normal. The only certainty is that
there is more uncertainty and economic hard ship to come.</div>
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How has Covid19
affected migrants?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are some
challenges I have become aware of. Please feel free to add your experiences to
this blog in the comments below. </div>
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<h4>
Panic reactions </h4>
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We
all had to prepare for an unknown. Stay at home. Stay safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Free movement stopped. We waited to be guided or dictated
to. Reactions were varied. Panic buying relatively harmless; racial slurs and
attacks harmful. Racial tension was real, particularly towards the Chinese.
Trump called the virus, "The Chinese virus." People of Asian
appearance were asked to leave buses or establishments. </div>
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"Outbreaks
create fear, and fear is a key ingredient for racism and xenophobia to
thrive." <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)30792-3/fulltext" target="_blank">LancetVol395</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">It was as if there
had to be blame. If not the Governments then who?</span></div>
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Other experiences has shown that people have grabbed at opportunities to be kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
Chinese migrant told me that she was afraid at first of racism as a result of
Covid19, but instead people asked how her family in China were coping.</div>
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<h4>
Visiting rights
ended </h4>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SJ88rWpeQNA/Xt_TJfKeAsI/AAAAAAAABho/knrIZfqw0ykLuq6QnAQQkIhfqOR-CPBkQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/No%2Bhugs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="310" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SJ88rWpeQNA/Xt_TJfKeAsI/AAAAAAAABho/knrIZfqw0ykLuq6QnAQQkIhfqOR-CPBkQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/No%2Bhugs.jpg" /></a></div>
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As migrants we count on keeping up connection with our family and loved
ones by visiting or having visitors. About every two years I would feel a pull
to "go home."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That pull may be<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>felt more frequent if your loved ones are
unwell. Having visitors come to you helps postpone that pull. In a pre-Covid19 world the
frequency of visits was determined by many factors. At the moment our visiting
rights have stopped. Even if we win lotto we are unable to see our overseas
loved ones. There is no way to plan for a visit in the near future. We
are all on hold. I feel so sad for those who have had the death of a loved one.
I can't imagine the feelings they experience when there was no way to be where
you would most want to be to share the grief. Our choices have been limited. We
can do nothing but wait.</div>
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<h4>
Support Network</h4>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l4hZ8N3Vit8/Xt_kS_i8yNI/AAAAAAAABiA/NyJobMNtwx0AGUkSwgmKKsK2FtNz1rMwACEwYBhgLKs0DAL1OcqyoZuUdDwufbr4fHAGu2bLZ3tc-bKe8Q5VONjOwBk1RGNOkZlU0uSZabmqYbh7N0gokEuvmCXdVN7XfL8Rrm2Zj9vJlupiyqehx8QZ3sKVlcNhOC_3I_LRdGWMt8GIbRe8adsxnDdFooL29sPAqZuvoxPk9Nnr5XZCsSWng4vLxt1QRyFMqc1iz6n9fF3iNOIdaiC0p-zx4M-nHygPJHUrHNXNy8PVslIJaSL4aIL_1q7ujw-Wk9EEqKVoQYojtAKRc7SG4KYs1eBNSEiDaHVrECPrwtpDQQtGV5rcRbI6n5OhXVXezh5kzTtBRiuswf6Sv2-sTLpkDwdU5MnoBBWNqwWPPRH58p1_4jkpXI0jZv0nQiL83HZJsw-y6hvmgkBfeJYuvpVa2PZboySpWGXtWs8zb7JUG6HfmqIn023vsTwWOb6pB1wr1XDEsx7ddR06q_XwWS4fvUy5YiNeNvum2roePNuoFfy9a0lFqqrSl8ls56juKOhbqE5Yg-1EELLUAErFJyv_PwAEG04WyDZ_u4pIWSWER7fUFFECRTuPhsQds8o7UsENuHhE9CZ5HMNdBVpYc3LzxD2RNFO_wZL7jWTuMbIecPlsw683_9gU/s1600/support%2Bnetwork4.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="159" data-original-width="318" height="100" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l4hZ8N3Vit8/Xt_kS_i8yNI/AAAAAAAABiA/NyJobMNtwx0AGUkSwgmKKsK2FtNz1rMwACEwYBhgLKs0DAL1OcqyoZuUdDwufbr4fHAGu2bLZ3tc-bKe8Q5VONjOwBk1RGNOkZlU0uSZabmqYbh7N0gokEuvmCXdVN7XfL8Rrm2Zj9vJlupiyqehx8QZ3sKVlcNhOC_3I_LRdGWMt8GIbRe8adsxnDdFooL29sPAqZuvoxPk9Nnr5XZCsSWng4vLxt1QRyFMqc1iz6n9fF3iNOIdaiC0p-zx4M-nHygPJHUrHNXNy8PVslIJaSL4aIL_1q7ujw-Wk9EEqKVoQYojtAKRc7SG4KYs1eBNSEiDaHVrECPrwtpDQQtGV5rcRbI6n5OhXVXezh5kzTtBRiuswf6Sv2-sTLpkDwdU5MnoBBWNqwWPPRH58p1_4jkpXI0jZv0nQiL83HZJsw-y6hvmgkBfeJYuvpVa2PZboySpWGXtWs8zb7JUG6HfmqIn023vsTwWOb6pB1wr1XDEsx7ddR06q_XwWS4fvUy5YiNeNvum2roePNuoFfy9a0lFqqrSl8ls56juKOhbqE5Yg-1EELLUAErFJyv_PwAEG04WyDZ_u4pIWSWER7fUFFECRTuPhsQds8o7UsENuHhE9CZ5HMNdBVpYc3LzxD2RNFO_wZL7jWTuMbIecPlsw683_9gU/s200/support%2Bnetwork4.png" width="200" /></a></div>
I
have promoted the importance of a migrant having a good <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.com/2017/01/101-support-for-migrants.html" target="_blank">support network</a> in my book and blogs. This support network may be in the form of a neighbour, a colleague from a
place of work, volunteering or group. A person or people who will look out for
you and who you can look out for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Covid19 is a time where you will appreciate the support network you
have, or will realise that you don't have one. As migrants we can be inclined
to 'not make a fuss' not appear to ask for anything. (We are like a guest in
the home we have chosen.) With no support network a migrant may miss out on
what is available to them. <br />
It was great to hear that migrants helping other needy migrants, guessing that lack of knowledge or fear had prevented the needy from making them selves known. Giving and receiving makes both parties feel better.</div>
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<h4>
Employment </h4>
Will
migrants be more likely to be unemployed? Maybe, but as a migrant you
have the advantage of adapting, being flexible, and knowing what is most
important to you. Your proven adaptability may make you the most desirable
employee.<br />
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I have always said migrants are motivated. They have already shown they can adapt. They have moved themselves and their families from their country of origin to a new home. In times of economic hardship it may be that migrants adaptability makes them more employable.</div>
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<h4>
How can we get over
these challenges?</h4>
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<h4>
Strategies:</h4>
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<br />
<ul>
<li>Report any racism.
If not to officials, to someone who cares. Having a good listening ear can take
the burden from you and let others know that racism is happening. Focus on
those that have not been racist.</li>
<li>If you are lacking a
support network then this is a time to build one up. Do something for a
neighbour. Contact the local councils/libraries/help lines to find out what is
available to help you. </li>
<li>Keep<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>contact with your loved ones through Zoom,
Skype, Messenger. Write a letter, it may take ages to get to the destination,
but it will bring joy when it arrives. </li>
<li>Accept that this is
a time where there are no visits or visitors. A fallow field. An intermission from the plans of the next physical connection. We may treasure the freedom to connect all the
more.</li>
<li>Migrants are
motivated. If you lose your job, present yourself as skilled, adaptable and
flexible. Keep active by volunteering.</li>
</ul>
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Positive thoughts to
hold onto:</div>
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The whole world is
living with uncertainty. Migrants or not there is a belonging in that
uncertainly.</div>
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There are heightened
emotions. We may need to look at how we are reacting to loosen the tension. <span style="font-size: 11pt;">Matt Heath in
<i><a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=12335801" target="_blank">"Stressed out?"</a></i> highlighted:</span></div>
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"The more we
value the things outside our control, the less control we have" Epictetus</div>
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"The whole
future lies in uncertainty so live immediately." Seneca</div>
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"If it is not
right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it." Marcus Aurelius</div>
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I feel I have been
fortunate during Covid19. I managed to see my family last December and I have
been able to continue working. My insights could be narrow. Please feel free to
share your experiences to help other migrants.</div>
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Other Links</div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/on-the-inside/418728/opinion-stark-contrast-between-nz-s-success-and-bitter-divisions-in-us" target="_blank">Migrant Nik Dirga from America feeling torn between his two homes.</a></div>
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</div>
<a href="https://migrationdataportal.org/themes/migration-data-relevant-covid-19-pandemic" style="font-family: calibri; font-size: 14.6667px;">https://migrationdataportal.org/themes/migration-data-relevant-covid-19-pandemic</a>Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-18530993392690479662019-04-10T08:46:00.000+12:002019-04-10T08:46:55.034+12:00Migration surprises keep coming.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4VWDM2Kh6tI/XKz_jqXfRpI/AAAAAAAABZ0/ELSWmdQWVykVebLWg8zq5ay2CaSlwRx6QCLcBGAs/s1600/Ant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4VWDM2Kh6tI/XKz_jqXfRpI/AAAAAAAABZ0/ELSWmdQWVykVebLWg8zq5ay2CaSlwRx6QCLcBGAs/s200/Ant.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anthony Baker</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
went to my Uncle Ant's funeral a few weeks ago. This meant a trip across the
ditch (the Australian and New Zealand term for crossing the Tasman Sea to each
other's country). I was unsure about going; I had visited my Sydney uncles
eighteen months earlier, when they’d bantered like Morecambe and Wise. People
close to me said I wouldn't regret it. They were right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When
the</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">coffin left the chapel, my throat closed and my tear ducts opened. The tears weren't
only for the person in the coffin, they were for all the people I have loved who
I’m no longer am able to touch – my father, Ant’s eldest brother, being one of
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When
Dad was dying I received the call that said, if you want to see Dad alive you
had better come now. Ant must have had the same call or email, because he
arrived in Dad's hospital room a few hours after me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Ant
and his brother and sister had migrated to Australia in the sixties as ‘Ten
pound Poms.’ As Ant's career was in shipping, London was a business destination,
which meant we saw him more than our other Australian relatives. Ant would tell
us about shark-infested beaches protected by nets, Christmas Day on the beach,
and having so much sun you didn't want to go out in it. We were captivated. He
became known as Uncle Australia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Perhaps
it was hearing his tales that made me open to living in another country. Like
others who leave their homelands, I had assumed that migration was a mostly
positive experience. Uncle Ant seemed happy. He was able to visit his parents
and us, and his mother and father often went to see him and his family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When
Dad was dying, I had been living in New Zealand for ten years. I had three
children under five.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I already had many
doubts about bringing my children up in an environment very different to the one
I was brought up in. Since Dad's diagnosis two years earlier, we had made two
trips to see him while he was well. Saying goodbye each time was a punch on my
heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
assumed it was only me who was struggling with living with a heart in two
homes. I decided it was my habit of over-analysing, together with hormonal
panics and self-doubt, making me feel so torn between the place I live and love,
and the place I once lived and still love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In
the hospital, Ant and I talked about the journey over. He winced when he
realised I’d left my young children behind. He listened when I told him how
torn I felt. Then he said, almost casually, ‘It doesn't get any better, you
just get more used to it.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
had an ally. Here was someone who knew the feeling of being away from family,
my sofa, my daily environment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
father's brother knew what I was going through because he’d been through it
himself and was going through it now with his brother.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It
meant so much to me to have someone there who understood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">From
that time on I realised that many migrants struggle with having a heart in two
homes. I may have been irrational or over-sensitive, but even if I was, I now
knew that I was not alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Twenty-two
years later I was present for Ant's funeral. This time I didn't have to go
around the world, only 'across the ditch.' I travelled with my sister Jaine,
who has lived in New Zealand for the past eleven years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the sun-filled day we met up with ten
of our cousins, their spouses and children, aunts, uncles and distant cousins.
To be amongst such familiar and familial faces, mannerisms, stories and senses
of humour was a joy. When my cousin Aiden scratched the right side of his neck
with a pointed index finger, just as my twenty-two-year-old travelling nephew
had when he’d stayed with us during the Christmas holidays, my sense of
belonging swelled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't think these
two had met; I don't remember my grandparents having this mannerism and so
perhaps it really was genes that dictated that hand gesture. Throughout the day
family stories came out in a variety of themes, depending how the storyteller remembered
them, or who had passed on the story to the storyteller. The new and retold
stories were received equally keenly. Did I regret going to the funeral</span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">?
No way. I loved it. My belonging tank had been topped up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Uncle
Ant was my ally who helped me see how living far away can be managed. His
funeral reminded me that our family may be scattered, but we are all part of a
warm and caring family network. We are allies. We may be disconnected
geographically but we are connected by history, by genes, and by caring and
family love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My paternal Grandparents Phil and Grace Baker. 3/5 of their children went to Australia in the sixties.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Farewell to Grace and Phil as they leave UK to visit the Australian relatives</td></tr>
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-51149914349847514852019-03-21T07:50:00.002+13:002019-03-21T07:50:52.193+13:00 Careless talk costs lives. NZ mourns.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JeU14gSDHlQ/XJBqk5-8A9I/AAAAAAAABW8/5PHKG77wqnktO3XxxBajQGgECUgYiNMbACLcBGAs/s1600/Christchurch%2Btribute%2Bmen%2Bhugging.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="708" height="180" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JeU14gSDHlQ/XJBqk5-8A9I/AAAAAAAABW8/5PHKG77wqnktO3XxxBajQGgECUgYiNMbACLcBGAs/s320/Christchurch%2Btribute%2Bmen%2Bhugging.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">On Friday 15<sup>th</sup>
March 2019 in </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">Christchurch, New Zealand</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.6667px;"> a man </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">filled with hate shot and killed fifty people in two mosques.</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Saturday morning my husband David and I spent
three hours absorbing the TV coverage. Many of those killed and injured were migrants. There was a lot of talk about hate. We wept
at the acts of compassion and love.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I came away
wanting to know why someone would be so driven to carry out such a heinous act.
Why would someone have so much hate? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Like the world I
am shaken that this has happened in gentle New Zealand. In our sadness we have to remind
ourselves that the act on Friday was race motivated. Hate for a group that was
different to the man who called the shots that day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<h3 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">What do we know
about hate?</span></h3>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">We hate what is
different. The Psychology of Hate by </span><a href="https://www.getpsyched.org.uk/" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Get Psyched</a><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> stated we form an in-group and
an out-group. We turn to our in-group for survival.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Hate is driven by
love and aggression. Love for the group you belong to and aggression for the
group you don’t. You will probably feel that your in-group is right in all facets, and the out-group is wrong.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Hate is driven by
fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that those in the out-group will affect those
in the in-group. The killer's manifesto </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">apparently</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> said that he feared that Muslims
would take over the world, and <a href="https://eveningreport.nz/2019/03/19/christchurch-terror-attaches-new-zealands-darkest-hour-friday-15th-2019/" style="font-size: 18.6667px;" target="_blank">"He wrote about becoming “increasingly disgusted” at immigrant communities." </a> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Get Psyched suggested that we often hate other people who are achieving something we cannot or fear we cannot achieve for ourselves. Why
would this man hate Muslims so much? I wondered what the killer saw in the Muslim way of life that he felt he could not achieve in
his? Like all religions Islam has obligations. Muslims attend the mosque for
collective prayer, just as other faiths gather for collective prayer. Arranging your life so that you can pray at a mosque on a Friday, a western work day would take conviction. You would need a
strong sense of identity. Maybe this man was missing that. Perhaps he hated the
sense of purpose, faith and belonging he saw in Muslims. He envied it. I suggest he feared he would never have such conviction. Unfortunately for us, his hate gave
him a strong enough sense of conviction to massacre fifty people.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">We are not born
with hate. Hate is learnt from our environment. When 9/11 happened in 2001, the Christchurch killer was five years old. In the following ten or so years anyone with a beard
and brown eyes seemed to be suspected to be a terrorist. If our </span></span><a href="https://www.scholastic.com/parents/family-life/social-emotional-learning/development-milestones/age-reason.html" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">social
conscience develops at seven</a><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">, then he had enough racism in his environment to
form an opinion. This man’s hate may have been </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">fueled</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> by extremists on line, but
the racism was also reinforced by his encounters with people he engaged with
face to face.</span></span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">There was racism before the internet. Many of us if not all of us
would have heard a racist comment in social gatherings, a workplace, a party,
a bar, a </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.6667px;">barbecue</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">, a family dinner. What did we do when we heard those
comments?</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YRIJIqyqnZI/XJBt3YmSjDI/AAAAAAAABXo/0lmDId73nUc3QeqtzsKFh-3faLaJ-mbHACLcBGAs/s1600/Christchurch%2Btributes%2Bflowers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YRIJIqyqnZI/XJBt3YmSjDI/AAAAAAAABXo/0lmDId73nUc3QeqtzsKFh-3faLaJ-mbHACLcBGAs/s320/Christchurch%2Btributes%2Bflowers.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Over the last few
days we have been moved by compassion and grief. As a nation we have laid
flowers and donated money. We have attended vigils. We have wept. We have felt
helpless what more can we do?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">We can show some practical
aroha (compassion.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Love and
compassion is the antidote to hate. We can show compassion by being more
informed about the group that is different to us. We already have learnt more
about the process for a Muslim funeral.
The more you know about the out-group, the less you will feel they are
the </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">out-group</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<h3 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">What else can we
do? </span></h3>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Halt the hate.
Stop racist comments gaining traction. When you hear a racist joke or comment,
you could respond with, "Those comments are a bit out of date," or, “I'm
going to disagree with you on that," or, "I don't see it that
way." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">With racist jokes,
you could say, “I'm feeling uncomfortable about the
victim of the joke," or, “I can’t laugh about that." Another
suggestion I was given recently was to ask the joke teller to explain the joke which would produce
an accountable if awkward silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Racist comments
are often flippant or careless. Said by people who care less. Let us give new meaning to, </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Careless talk
costs lives.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">New Zealand is showing
unity and love at the moment. Racism in New Zealand has been highlighted. Soon
the flowers will be cleared away. There will still be racism. We need to continue
to show aroha by learning more about people who are different to us. We need
to halt the hate. We need to stop the careless talk by speaking out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">"First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a socialist.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a trade unionist.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Martin Niemöller</span></div>
</blockquote>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/auckland-s-orewa-college-send-their-love-christchurch-attack-victims-giant-kia-kaha-message?auto=6015078474001&variant=tb_v_1" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="299" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NMy-U4kQLeY/XJBsWaBCeqI/AAAAAAAABXQ/nQUhmcm84xgJwkahgaYlKfgJr_EsZ8TdwCLcBGAs/s1600/orewa%2Bschool.jpg" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/auckland-s-orewa-college-send-their-love-christchurch-attack-victims-giant-kia-kaha-message?auto=6015078474001&variant=tb_v_1" target="_blank">Kia Kaha (Stay strong) a tribute from Orewa High School, NZ</a>. </td></tr>
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<h4>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Moving tributes</span></h4>
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/auto=6015078474001&variant=tb_v_1%20%20https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/new-zealands-tongan-community-throwing-support-behind-muslim-families?auto=6015416403001&variant=tb_v_1" target="_blank">Tongan Community play Abide with me in support of muslim families</a><br />
<a href="https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/watch-spellbinding-te-reo-m-ori-performance-dave-dobbyn-s-welcome-home-cantabrians-gather-remember-mosque-victims?variant=tb_v_1" target="_blank">"Welcome home" by Dave Dobbyn sung as Cantabrians gather.</a></div>
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<h4>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Other links</span></h4>
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;"><a href="https://www.radionz.co.nz/news/on-the-inside/385064/saziah-bashir-four-things-you-should-do-following-the-christchurch-terror-attacks" target="_blank">Four things you should do following the Christchurch terror attacks, Saziah Bashir</a></span></div>
<a href="https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/were-our-voices-not-enough-asks-refugee-experienced-racism-in-nz-prior-mosque-attacks?variant=tb_v_1" target="_blank">'Were out voices not enough?' asks refugee who expereinced racism prior to mosque attacks</a><br />
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-12311487731706667932018-12-24T14:50:00.001+13:002018-12-24T14:53:20.525+13:00Homesickness? Last minute top tips for those away from home at Christmas Season<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yhggDPoNC_M/XCA44JHJMwI/AAAAAAAABV8/e5aq-6_CQosy9ikXw17gDL6qbtBa3uIugCEwYBhgL/s1600/panda%2BChristmas.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="772" data-original-width="700" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yhggDPoNC_M/XCA44JHJMwI/AAAAAAAABV8/e5aq-6_CQosy9ikXw17gDL6qbtBa3uIugCEwYBhgL/s320/panda%2BChristmas.jpeg" width="290" /></a></td></tr>
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Tomorrow is Christmas day in New Zealand. I am looking forward to it.<br />
<br />
Until my mid-twenties Christmas was feasting on turkey and Christmas pudding with a large family, walking off the feast at dusk, (rarely in snow), and then snacking on Quality Street, cold turkey, satsumas and nuts as we slouched around the fire.<br />
<br />
Then I did the traveling thing.<br />
<br />
Christmas was full of differences. Long summer days, (not necessarily sunny), ham, salads and trifle and no family around. There was phone calls, but the longer the phone call was, the more you missed the people you talked to. We were apart.<br />
<br />
Having spent over three decades, with a different Christmas, I have learnt to accept it for what it is. This year Christmas is different again, not because my two oldest are absent again, but because this time we have two lovely travelers with us, my nephew and his girlfriend. So migrants and travelers out there here are some tips for Christmas away from loved ones. I hope some of them help.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Every Christmas is different in some way. Christmas changes throughout your life. Acknowledge and delight in the differences of your unique Christmas this year.</li>
<li>If the Christmas you are spending is very different, look at it through, 'this is bizarre' eyes, and smile.</li>
<li>When connecting with distant loved ones on the day through phone/social media note:</li>
<ul>
<li>The festivity is disjointed. You are in different time zones. For example, if you are in the same time zone as NZ, you do Christmas before anyone else. You are 'over Christmas' by 10pm whereas UK is just getting started at 9am. The atmosphere from either ends of the phone will be different which can add to the feelings of distance.</li>
<li>Keep the conversations short. The reception is likely to be weak and the phone call/Skype etc. is likely to be intermittent. Don't spend too long on the phone, just enough time to say I love you, I miss you, (if you do), I hope you have a great day. Plan to have a chat soon to let them know how it went.</li>
</ul>
<li>It is likely that you will feel sad at some stage in the day. That is okay. If you are much more sad than glad, make a list of what would make it better for you for next year.</li>
<li>For a variety of reasons you are not with some of your loved ones. Remember you still can have a good day. Be positive about your presence.</li>
<li>If the people around you do not ask, offer as a conversation piece, the highlights of your Christmas day, and how it is different, but avoid whose Christmas is better. Christmas is not a competition. Every Christmas is different in some way.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
I would like to wish you a meaningful unique Christmas, and a season where the peace, hope and love lasts much longer than the leftovers.<br />
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<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-82882427908248731262018-11-02T09:27:00.000+13:002018-11-02T17:47:04.207+13:00Goodbyes. Can they be fun? <span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SIQp5dpSXd4/W8YekbGyYII/AAAAAAAABTg/Gg-xCK4biSUXGm9fsG7YKWDh4OpFZaoJwCLcBGAs/s1600/20181006_191847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SIQp5dpSXd4/W8YekbGyYII/AAAAAAAABTg/Gg-xCK4biSUXGm9fsG7YKWDh4OpFZaoJwCLcBGAs/s320/20181006_191847.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My pattern of
goodbyes has been described in my <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.com/p/book-for-sale.html" target="_blank">book</a>; there is even a chapter on goodbyes. I expected a similar pattern for the
departure of my adult children after their two-and-a-half week stay, but it was
not the same. There was actually a sense of fun about the goodbye. What made it
different? Why was it more fun than sad? Maybe these points helped:</span></div>
<div style="font-family: "calibri"; margin: 0in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">My children, M and C, were leaving together. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">They were off on another flight adventure.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">I decided take the day off and watch them get ready, and be useful
when I could.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">A, another daughter who also had a day off advised them, "Torn top - no. Home-made chilli sauce, yes. Six jackets are excessive, take four at the most."</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">The packing and preparation felt like a
finale following the great times of the last two weeks.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">There was the sense
of an event in the air. </span></li>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kB6ckcb7dKg/W7alWFnZVVI/AAAAAAAABTA/bXZ7pRBJ_PA7GiqUhvSvFmgjD-B1Q9CaACLcBGAs/s1600/Emily%2Bcase%2Bsquuezing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: transparent; clear: right; color: #0066cc; font-family: "times new roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; text-decoration: underline; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="823" data-original-width="640" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kB6ckcb7dKg/W7alWFnZVVI/AAAAAAAABTA/bXZ7pRBJ_PA7GiqUhvSvFmgjD-B1Q9CaACLcBGAs/s200/Emily%2Bcase%2Bsquuezing.jpg" width="155" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">M sitting on her suitcase</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Nervous energy released our children's child-like characteristics and behaviour. C, nicknamed Bugle, bounced from room to room looking for last
possessions, discarding and repossessing jackets and clothes as the suitcases were
weighed and reweighed. Bugle called out a few times, "I'm ready now" as he
scanned M's takeover of the lounge. Eventually the piles of clothes that had covered the carpet
were magically reduced in volume to almost fit into her suitcase. Nothing extra
pressure couldn't fix.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Driving to the airport, singalong music played, but we didn't sing along much. They checked-in, then it was coffee time, conversation lulled, twitching started, and the </span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">travellers</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> patted their carry on. It was time.</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> With l</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">ong hugs, and brave smiles, we held back tears and had a last wave.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Home from the airport I drifted into their bedrooms. The beds had been stripped, but their aura was still around. There was no good reason to make up the beds yet. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What made this goodbye different? Was it the fact that we had a blast as a family
together? Was it that our adult children wanted to continue the fun theme we had had for the last two weeks? It could be that the C and M are in a great stage of life where they only have to be responsible for
themselves. At the moment they seem to be enjoying their lives, which is always a bonus and a relief as a parent. It may have been
that the pain of departing was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>felt just
as equally by my husband and our two other children. When<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>other UK visitors had left, I felt it was me who experienced the loss the most because it was my mother, my sibling, or my friend who left. Maybe with the two travelling together I thought they wouldn't feel so isolated. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is the minor factor that we had such an active time with each other the routine of normality had an attraction to it. Did I really admit to that? Maybe after thirty years of goodbyes I have become more accepting of goodbyes, and so more relaxed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I think what eased the goodbye mostly was that </span>we are due to see them again in May 2019 for my sister's wedding, so it was more of a - 'see you later' than a goodbye. </div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The combination of the above reasons made this goodbye more fun. Admittedly, two days
later, about the same time my children had landed on the other side of the world, I was grumpy. That was probably the time the goodbye became a reality for me. Their beds remain unmade.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Goodbyes are hard.
The departing will hit you at different times. There are ways to make the
leaving easier. I am glad that having spent thirty years saying goodbyes I have
discovered another variation - a fun one.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have written more blogs on goodbyes. Search for 'goodbyes' on my blog or click on <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.com/2015/05/ten-ways-to-make-goodbyes-easier.html" target="_blank">Ten Ways to make Goodbyes easier.</a></span><br />
<br />
Let us know of your experiences and thoughts on goodbyes in the comments below.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-59762930601568835462018-10-05T14:19:00.000+13:002018-10-05T15:54:38.016+13:00Furtive Fun and a Family United <br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WgYqARdfN44/W7UzavvYRlI/AAAAAAAABSY/1DQCVjNsNbgkraZpIP_sEJfjVLWRsRCaQCLcBGAs/s1600/20180907_113709.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WgYqARdfN44/W7UzavvYRlI/AAAAAAAABSY/1DQCVjNsNbgkraZpIP_sEJfjVLWRsRCaQCLcBGAs/s320/20180907_113709.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My husband became sixty
in August.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A year before our son, C
living twelve thousand miles away in London had announced that he would be with
us in New Zealand for the signicicant birthday. Our daughter M, also in London was noncommittal.
A few months before the event I realised that it had been nearly five years
since our family unit had been together for a happy occasion. Like a mother hen
checking on her chicks I had a need to have our family unit united.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was reluctant to
influence M's decision to be here with us. I have been in a similar situation to
M where events the other side of the world beckon, but you are not sure whether
you should or can be there. When in contact with M I held back from asking,
"Have you thought anymore about coming for a trip?" The effort to
hold back grew from a gentle mental simmer to near boiling as my desire to have
us all together increased. Do I stay silent or let M know how much it would
mean to me to have all the family together?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">M and I had an
arranged private phone call one evening "to talk about Dad's birthday
present." When she rang I was tucked up in bed, but when I heard her
announcement that she was coming after all I was the woman dancing in the
street, well dancing around the bed anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>M's sister was in another bedroom so my air punching and jigging to my
mirror had to continued silently as I absorbed the arrangements of M's arrival.
The next two months felt like I was the only one who knew Christmas was coming.</span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P050NF7QQDw/W7aldFsmCPI/AAAAAAAABTM/FYFtNoJleUgAcSIuxHaCAv_47qGtC439QCEwYBhgL/s1600/EmilyPanda.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P050NF7QQDw/W7aldFsmCPI/AAAAAAAABTM/FYFtNoJleUgAcSIuxHaCAv_47qGtC439QCEwYBhgL/s320/EmilyPanda.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cut out M with her buddy, Panda</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Amongst the birthday
party arrangements there were suggestions from all family members for
activities for C's stay. Going to an All Black game (one<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>extra ticket furtively included,) a trip away
to Queenstown (one extra plane ticket, accommodation and a car for six, not
five secretly booked), all four bedrooms tidied and made up 'ready for extra
guests at the party.' The furtiveness was fun. When family members and friends
asked what about M? "Oh well, it seems she can't take the time off
work." When asked,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"Do you
think she is going to come and surprise us?" I replied, "With M<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you never know. Perhaps not."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How delighted I was to be in the know. When
other siblings were concerned that M would feel left out as the rest of us were
holidaying I suggested having a cardboard cut out of her. We would take it with
us to the Rugby and to Queenstown so that she would be in all the photos.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">What I noticed most
about knowing the family was to be together was how my motivation changed. I
was happy to prepare for the party, and our son arriving, but I was like an
non-stop train when preparing for the getting together of our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Family is what I am good at. I have been
managing this family is for 26 years. This is my skill set. This was a chance
for us to make great memories. Nothing is going to stop me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As migrants know,
any visitor inspires a tidy up. The closer the visitor the more is done. The
arrival date becomes the deadline. The challenge is to pack in as many
necessary and unnecessary tasks before hand to ensure you can have the best
time possible: a house spring clean, digitising all the VHS films, gardening,
car washing, meal precooking, getting ahead with work. D and A were shocked
with my tasking ticking off including cleaning fly poo off ceilings till my
neck was put out for a week; maybe an overkill, but I had a smile on my face as
I cleaned.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When we picked up
our son from the airport, I ran out to greet him. D and A waited to see if C
was alone. Of course I knew he was. We had three lovely days to relish our son
on his own. Then the day came where he and I were going out for an 'early
lunch.' D asked where we were going, "It's a surprise" I said. The
next two days I delighted in witnessing the surprise reaction of people when
they first saw M.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>M walked into A's
pharmacy. A squealed and laughed and hugged and smiled. I watched as the whole
pharmacy craned their necks and smiled at each other with teary eyes. When D
caught sight of M in the garden he started laughing and didn't stop until his
daughter was in his arms, their cheeks blending tears of joy. The youngest, I,
who had been expecting boring old Mum to pick her up from the airport went from
head down to wide eyed to tears and an embrace. For those in my age group the
surprise was like a double banger firework. Delight in seeing M, and then
second delight in realising that our family was complete.</span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-82ioq8r1DN8/W7Ux3faDBNI/AAAAAAAABSI/EXQ17luR_qkf7J1mcwZ7lN4KglDfd552gCLcBGAs/s1600/Queenstown%2B%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: transparent; clear: right; color: #0066cc; float: right; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 14.66px; margin-left: 14.66px; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: underline; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1043" data-original-width="1435" height="232" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-82ioq8r1DN8/W7Ux3faDBNI/AAAAAAAABSI/EXQ17luR_qkf7J1mcwZ7lN4KglDfd552gCLcBGAs/s320/Queenstown%2B%25282%2529.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a><br />
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The next two weeks I fell in love with my
family unit again. We had a holiday together that we all wanted to be at. The
teenage sullenness had passed. I treasured this holiday and made the most of
it. There is something lovely about knowing all your children are in one place, and accessible. For those of you who have this as normality, feel lucky and love
it. For those whose family is scattered, the internet is a great way to keep in
touch, and when you do get together, make the most of it. Enjoy touching them,
being with them and making enough memories with them that will sustain you until the
next time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For the record, what
do I feel about surprise visits? I think I like knowing about the surprise. What about you?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-84554897181156247632018-06-18T18:17:00.001+12:002018-06-18T18:17:18.866+12:00Migrant Emotions - Become a more settled migrant - Read The Book: Changing Perceptions of Migrants<a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.com/2018/06/changing-perceptions-of-migrants.html?spref=bl">Migrant Emotions - Become a more settled migrant - Read The Book: Changing Perceptions of Migrants</a>: “Jenny had it the hardest,” said Jenny's father Glen. “She was having a baby in the UK and we weren't there. They kick you out ...Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-10321782921535606172018-06-13T17:35:00.002+12:002018-06-13T17:35:37.801+12:00Changing Perceptions of Migrants<br />
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“Jenny had it the hardest,” said Jenny's father Glen. “She was
having a baby in the UK and we weren't there. They kick you out after a day
over there.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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My feet shuffled. My lips pursed. Three times I had
had babies without my parents around. I disagreed with Glen’s negative
description of having babies in UK. During
a deep breath I noted that what rattled me most was the change in Glen's perception of his daughter's
time in UK.<o:p></o:p></div>
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While Glen's daughter was in UK Glen described everything to be okay
over there; having babies, working, childcare, even the delights of a winter
Christmas. It was all okay because it needed to be for Glen. Now Jenny is back in her homeland, her time in UK in hindsight is open to criticism. Glen's perception of Jenny's time in UK has changed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lady or Granny?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w6O44WCHVlw/Wxoe5GANHwI/AAAAAAAABME/ODRVpkqBpl8y3teet_cp6pPOOrzyDAeJwCLcBGAs/s1600/Musician%2Bor%2BFAce.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="367" data-original-width="297" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w6O44WCHVlw/Wxoe5GANHwI/AAAAAAAABME/ODRVpkqBpl8y3teet_cp6pPOOrzyDAeJwCLcBGAs/s200/Musician%2Bor%2BFAce.jpg" width="161" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Musician or Face?</td></tr>
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Our perception changes to suit us. We may be aware
of the change. <o:p></o:p></div>
Looking at the pictures, you can either see the two images easily
or you have to work at it. Our perception can change subconsciously or consciously.
Sometimes the perception adjustment can take a great deal of effort. <br />
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Both migrants and their loved ones have changes in
perception of the migrant’s host country and homeland.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<h3 style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Changing perceptions of a migrant. </h3>
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<o:p> </o:p>🥛 Glass half full or half empty</div>
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Perception Homeland<o:p></o:p></div>
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Perception Host Country<o:p></o:p></div>
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</tr>
<tr style="height: 39.7pt; mso-yfti-irow: 1;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 39.7pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
On leaving<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #B4C6E7; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 39.7pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent1; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 39.7pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full <o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 39.7pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Excited about leaving. An adventure ahead <o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 26.6pt; mso-yfti-irow: 2;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Culture
shock<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #B4C6E7; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent1; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #B4C6E7; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent1; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Adjustment needed<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 26.6pt; mso-yfti-irow: 3;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Enjoying host country<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #B4C6E7; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent1; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 13.1pt; mso-yfti-irow: 4;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 13.1pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Homesick<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 13.1pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #B4C6E7; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 13.1pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent1; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 13.1pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 40.15pt; mso-yfti-irow: 5; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 40.15pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Acceptance of differences<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #B4C6E7; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 40.15pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent1; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #C5E0B3; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #B4C6E7; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 40.15pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent1; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #C5E0B3; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 40.15pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
As long as there is enough<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<h3 style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Migrants’ loved ones changing perception. Mila leaves her homeland.</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTableGrid" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;">
<tbody>
<tr style="height: 26.6pt; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-irow: 0;">
<td style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<o:p> </o:p>🥛 Glass half full or half empty</div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Perception Homeland<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Perception Host Country<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 39.7pt; mso-yfti-irow: 1;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 39.7pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
On leaving<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 39.7pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #9CC2E5; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 39.7pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 153; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 39.7pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Can’t understand why she has to go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Our place is good enough for us, why not for Mila?<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 26.6pt; mso-yfti-irow: 2;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Getting used to Mila being away<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #9CC2E5; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 153; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 26.6pt; mso-yfti-irow: 3;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Hearing Mila enjoying the host country<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 26.6pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Mental adjustment. Being open-minded to Mila’s
host country.<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 13.1pt; mso-yfti-irow: 4;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 13.1pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Visiting and having a good time in Mila’s new
country<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 13.1pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #C5E0B3; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 13.1pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 102; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 13.1pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.4pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Making good memories in host country<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 40.15pt; mso-yfti-irow: 5; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 40.15pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 95.35pt;" valign="top" width="127"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
If Mila returns to homeland permanently<o:p></o:p></div>
</td>
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Half full<o:p></o:p></div>
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Half empty<o:p></o:p></div>
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No need to adjust anymore<o:p></o:p></div>
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</tr>
</tbody></table>
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Migrant's perception changes for both the migrant's survival and for the migrant to get the most out of the country they have chosen to live in.<br />
<br />
<h4>
For the migrants' loved ones. </h4>
When migrant's loved ones adjust their perception to embrace the host country the conversations can flow more easily which helps the to maintain a connection between the migrant and those they love.<br />
The 'us' and 'them' feeling and language lessens.<br />
<br />
If migrant Mila returns to her homeland for good, the open and positive perception from her loved ones is less necessary. A conscious and or an unconscious bias against Mila's previous host country returns. <o:p></o:p>Glen's language of using 'they' and 'them' and 'over there' revealed his unconscious bias against UK.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
Good to know:</h3>
<br />
<ol>
<li>People's perception changes. Be aware of your changing perception or the people around you.</li>
<li>The perception is often influenced by the fact that many people like to feel they are living in the 'best place.'</li>
<li>The unconscious bias against a country or people can be changed. Reflective listening and gentle education helps to show people another perspective. </li>
</ol>
<br />
</div>
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">"We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are."</span></i></b> Anais Nin</blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.6667px;">Do you have expereinces of changed perception? Let me know in the comments.</span><br />
<br />
<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-49817941037640652392018-05-05T15:08:00.000+12:002018-05-05T15:08:05.286+12:00What is wrong with fitting in?<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PrjkzNWqVSU/WuzwfDO7ttI/AAAAAAAABK0/RhVvBCzj8MwrroF6LkMy8vUAJ9kS5pHlgCLcBGAs/s1600/Fishing%2Bcolour.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: calibri; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1132" data-original-width="1600" height="226" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PrjkzNWqVSU/WuzwfDO7ttI/AAAAAAAABK0/RhVvBCzj8MwrroF6LkMy8vUAJ9kS5pHlgCLcBGAs/s320/Fishing%2Bcolour.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">When
I had been in New Zealand for about five years I was compared to another
English migrant who “didn’t fit in as well as you do.” This got me thinking. I
had worked hard at fitting in. I had listened more than talked with my husbands' friends and family, I
had stopped telling jokes that had shocked, but still laughed at jokes I didn't understand, I could even name most of the beloved All Blacks rugby team. I had tried to fit in as much as possible. I
had completed all the requirements
possible to be an acceptable New Zealander. And yet I wasn’t. I felt like an observer, the
polite guest who could only share my opinions in a guarded manner. I had been trying too hard to fit in. I feared being a perpetual outsider.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A few years later I decided I am not nor will ever be a New Zealander. I am an
English person who is enjoying living in New Zealand. I was different. I was an <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7qzz5LC80dYcFdnM2V2UTU1WEE/view" target="_blank">outsider</a>, but that was okay. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 1rem;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Brené Brown, one of the world’s greatest influencers in the realms of leadership and change, studies courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Her TED talk is one of the <span style="box-sizing: inherit;">five most-watched TED talks in the world. </span>In an article Brown wrote for <span style="color: #2e91fc;"><span style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 1rem;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/When%20I%20had%20been%20in%20New%20Zealand%20for%20about%20five%20years%20I%20was%20compared%20to%20another%20English%20migrant%20who%20%E2%80%9Cdidn%E2%80%99t%20fit%20in%20as%20well%20as%20you%20do.%E2%80%9D%20This%20got%20me%20thinking.%20I%20had%20worked%20hard%20at%20fitting%20in.%20I%20had%20listened%20more%20than%20talked%20with%20my%20husbands'%20friends%20and%20family,%20I%20had%20stopped%20telling%20jokes%20that%20had%20shocked,%20but%20still%20%20laughed%20at%20jokes%20I%20didn't%20understand,%20I%20could%20even%20name%20most%20of%20the%20beloved%20All%20Blacks%20rugby%20team.%20I%20had%20tried%20to%20fit%20in%20as%20much%20as%20possible.%20I%20had%20%20completed%20all%20the%20requirements%20possible%20to%20be%20an%20acceptable%20New%20Zealander.%20And%20yet%20I%20wasn%E2%80%99t.%20I%20felt%20like%20an%20observer,%20the%20polite%20guest%20who%20could%20only%20share%20my%20opinions%20in%20a%20guarded%20manner.%20%20I%20was%20trying%20too%20hard%20to%20fit%20in.%20I%20was%20too%20afraid%20of%20being%20a%20perpetual%20outsider.%20%20%20%20A%20few%20years%20later%20I%20decided%20I%20am%20not%20nor%20will%20ever%20be%20a%20New%20Zealander.%20I%20am%20an%20English%20person%20who%20is%20enjoying%20living%20in%20New%20Zealand.%20I%20was%20different.%20I%20was%20an%20outsider,%20but%20that%20was%20okay.%20%20%20Bren%C3%A9%20Brown,%20one%20of%20the%20world%E2%80%99s%20greatest%20influencers%20in%20the%20realms%20of%20leadership%20and%20change,%20studies%20courage,%20vulnerability,%20shame,%20and%20empathy.%20Her%20TED%20talk%20is%20one%20of%20the%20five%20most-watched%20TED%20talks%20in%20the%20world,%20with%20over%2030%20million%20views,%20and%20she%20has%20written%20three%20#1%20New%20York%20Times%20bestsellers.%20In%20an%20article%20she%20wrote%20for%20Oprah.com,%20Brown%20explains%20the%20difference%20between%20fitting%20in%20and%20belonging:%20%20%20%20%22In%20fact,%20fitting%20in%20is%20the%20greatest%20barrier%20to%20belonging.%20Fitting%20in,%20I've%20discovered%20during%20the%20past%20decade%20of%20research,%20is%20assessing%20situations%20and%20groups%20of%20people,%20then%20twisting%20yourself%20into%20a%20human%20pretzel%20in%20order%20to%20get%20them%20to%20let%20you%20hang%20out%20with%20them.%20Belonging%20is%20something%20else%20entirely%E2%80%94it's%20showing%20up%20and%20letting%20yourself%20be%20seen%20and%20known%20as%20you%20really%20are%E2%80%94love%20of%20gourd%20painting,%20intense%20fear%20of%20public%20speaking%20and%20all.%20%20Many%20us%20suffer%20from%20this%20split%20between%20who%20we%20are%20and%20who%20we%20present%20to%20the%20world%20in%20order%20to%20be%20accepted,%20(Take%20it%20from%20me:%20I'm%20an%20expert%20fitter-inner!)%20But%20we're%20not%20letting%20ourselves%20be%20known,%20and%20this%20kind%20of%20incongruent%20living%20is%20soul-sucking.%22%20%20%20%20Many%20communities%20have%20their%20quirky%20member.%20In%20You%20don't%20need%20to%20fit%20in%20to%20belong%20Jenny%20Lind%20Schmitt%20describes%20a%20member%20of%20a%20Swiss%20village%20that%20is%20different%20to%20the%20rest%20of%20the%20community,%20but%20adds%20a%20colour%20and%20vibrancy%20to%20the%20community.%20Madame%20Cardozo%20doesn't%20fit%20in,%20but%20does%20belong.%20It%20was%20suggested%20by%20Schmitt%20that%20it%20was%20time%20that%20made%20Madame%20Cardozo%20belong.%20%20%20%20My%20sense%20of%20belonging%20came%20after%20time;%20with%20work,%20contributions%20I%20made%20to%20my%20community,%20reaching%20out%20for%20a%20support%20network%20where%20help%20was%20able%20to%20be%20given%20and%20received,%20being%20a%20parent%20of%20children%20growing%20up%20in%20New%20Zealand,%20volunteering%20in%20my%20children's%20schools,%20sharing%20life%20events%20with%20friends%20and%20my%20husband's%20family,%20being%20part%20of%20a%20church.%20Anywhere%20where%20my%20contribution%20or%20potential%20contribution%20was%20valued,%20that%20is%20where%20I%20felt%20a%20sense%20of%20belonging.%20%20%20%20As%20a%20migrant,%20you%20will%20be%20different.%20It%20is%20likely%20that%20you%20will%20try%20to%20fit%20in,%20especially%20in%20the%20early%20years.%20This%20may%20be%20for%20survival%20mentally%20or%20physically.%20What%20is%20wrong%20with%20fitting%20in?%20There%20are%20levels%20of%20fitting%20in%20that%20are%20unhealthy.%20You%20need%20to%20be%20aware%20of%20the%20uncomfortable%20feeling%20that%20you%20are%20over-compromising%20yourself,%20just%20for%20the%20sake%20of%20fitting%20in.%20Will%20you%20feel%20a%20sense%20of%20belonging%20if%20you%20haven't%20been%20revealing%20your%20true%20self?%20Brene%20Brown%20thinks%20not.%20%20Because%20true%20belonging%20only%20happens%20when%20we%20present%20our%20authentic,%20imperfect%20selves%20to%20the%20world,%20our%20sense%20of%20belonging%20can%20never%20be%20greater%20than%20our%20level%20of%20self-acceptance.-Brene%20Brown%20%20%20%20%20%20There%20will%20be%20a%20time%20when%20you%20will%20be%20accepted%20into%20your%20community.%20It%20will%20be%20the%20time%20when%20you%20with%20your%20differences%20is%20recognised%20as%20providing%20a%20positive%20aspect%20to%20the%20community;%20the%20food%20you%20bring,%20the%20volunteering,%20the%20fresh%20insights,%20the%20comparative%20opinions,%20the%20acknowledgement%20that%20there%20is%20another%20way%20of%20being%20or%20doing%20that%20is%20not%20wrong,%20your%20artistic%20talents.%20(See%20a%20previous%20blog%2012%20Reasons%20why%20migrants%20make%20good%20artists.)%20At%20this%20time%20you%20will%20feel%20and%20enjoy%20the%20sense%20of%20belonging%20in%20your%20host%20country.%20Enjoy%20that%20feeling%20and%20be%20glad%20that%20you%20didn't%20sell%20yourself%20out%20too%20much%20when%20trying%20to%20fit%20in." target="_blank">Oprah.com</a>,</span></span> Brown explains the difference between fitting in and belonging:</span></div>
<blockquote style="background-color: white; border-left: 5px solid rgb(46, 145, 252); box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding-left: 1rem;">
<div style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-bottom: 1rem; margin-top: 1rem;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="box-sizing: inherit;" /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely—it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are—love of gourd painting, intense fear of public speaking and all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Many of us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted, (Take it from me: I'm an expert fitter-inner!) But we're not letting ourselves be known, and this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking."</span></blockquote>
</div>
</blockquote>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-viHt6839Z0Q/Wuz_bfX0cRI/AAAAAAAABLU/Z4N7DiZUnNoz-hAnJk2CxiYWEa8goBigwCLcBGAs/s1600/Fitting%2Bin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="408" data-original-width="612" height="133" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-viHt6839Z0Q/Wuz_bfX0cRI/AAAAAAAABLU/Z4N7DiZUnNoz-hAnJk2CxiYWEa8goBigwCLcBGAs/s200/Fitting%2Bin.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Many communities have a quirky member. In <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifestyle-design/201012/belonging-vs-fitting-inv" target="_blank">You don't need to fit in to belong</a> Jenny Lind Schmitt describes a member of a Swiss village that is different to the rest of the community, but adds a colour and vibrancy to the community. <i>Madame Cardozo</i> doesn't fit in, but does belong. It was suggested by Schmitt that it was <i>time</i> that made <i>Madame Cardozo</i> belong.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It took time for me to feel a sense of belonging. The belonging came through work, the contributions I made to my community, reaching out for a support network where help was able to be given and received, being a parent of children growing up in New Zealand, volunteering in my children's schools, sharing life events with friends and my husband's family, being part of a church. Anywhere where my contribution or potential contribution was valued, that was where I felt a sense of belonging.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As a migrant, you will be different. It is likely that you will try to fit in, especially in the early years. This may be for survival mentally or physically. What is wrong with fitting in? There are levels of fitting in that are unhealthy. You need to be aware of the uncomfortable feeling that you are over-compromising yourself, '</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">twisting yourself into a human pretzel' </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">just for the sake of fitting in. Will you feel a sense of belonging if you haven't been revealing your true self? Brene Brown thinks not.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><em style="background-color: white; color: #4f6228; font-size: 13px; text-align: justify;"><strong>Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.</strong></em><em style="background-color: white; color: #4f6228; font-size: 13px; text-align: justify;"><strong>-Brene Brown</strong></em></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7v1nNIvRgpM/Wuz3py4TY5I/AAAAAAAABLE/i-eLXKyNDxgXY1Qiou9G61EAOmjukLbigCLcBGAs/s1600/20180306_202618%2B%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1196" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7v1nNIvRgpM/Wuz3py4TY5I/AAAAAAAABLE/i-eLXKyNDxgXY1Qiou9G61EAOmjukLbigCLcBGAs/s200/20180306_202618%2B%25282%2529.jpg" width="148" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There will be a time when you will be accepted into your community. It will be the time when you, and your differences are recognised as providing a positive aspect to the community; the food you bring, the volunteering, the fresh insights, the comparative opinions, the acknowledgement that there is another way of being or doing that is not wrong, your artistic talents. (See a previous blog <a href="https://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2016/10/12-reasons-why-migrants-make-good.html#more" target="_blank">12 Reasons why migrants make good artists</a>.) At this time you will feel and enjoy the sense of belonging in your host country. Enjoy that feeling and be glad that you didn't sell yourself out too much when trying to fit in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<br />
<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-69780098122378479642018-04-05T18:03:00.000+12:002018-04-05T18:03:02.938+12:00Why is belonging so important?<span style="font-family: inherit;">Does a migrant need to have a sense of belonging? Yes. Here is why.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gLWQOVxTo-M/WdXWxQHx_hI/AAAAAAAABEU/Bjq57mRWML0LJ7KxIHXZG9Tz-aGNdBvRQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Maslow.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="468" height="361" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gLWQOVxTo-M/WdXWxQHx_hI/AAAAAAAABEU/Bjq57mRWML0LJ7KxIHXZG9Tz-aGNdBvRQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/Maslow.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">'Belongingness'</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;"> is the human </span>emotional<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;"> </span>need<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;"> to be an accepted member of a </span>group<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Maslow's hierarchy of needs rates it after food, water and safety. We are a sociable animal.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;"></span></span>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-size: 14px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A feeling of belonging helps you to:</span></h3>
<ol>
<li>Have a healthy self esteem. Being wanted and loved makes you feel valued.</li>
<li>Have somewhere to go for help through your <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2017/01/101-support-for-migrants.html">support network</a> e.g. How do I find a doctor?</li>
<li>Help others. Being needed helps our self esteem. In fact the motivation to help is so strong that even slaves set up a group help-fund to help each other. Every volunteer is satisfying the need to help others. "For it is in giving that we receive" St Francis of Assisi</li>
<li>Feel a sense of identity. You are part of a group.</li>
<li>Be more at ease about migrating. You are more <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gV9WUAwl1vIcuAyjPBBLISEgkBCNBRQKzuckODixcJI/edit">rooted</a> to the place around you.</li>
<li>Make sense of the world around you. You have a group of people to share and compare your thoughts, opinions and concerns.</li>
<li>Be more productive with a healthy self esteem and peace of mind.</li>
</ol>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When you do not feel you belong, you:</span></h3>
<ol><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xWxKGOsdQ8I/WrsTY92SJxI/AAAAAAAABJ0/BzQYZnUsma0F9pmO4dDy3aWUxyonHLd7ACLcBGAs/s1600/belonging.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xWxKGOsdQ8I/WrsTY92SJxI/AAAAAAAABJ0/BzQYZnUsma0F9pmO4dDy3aWUxyonHLd7ACLcBGAs/s1600/belonging.jpg" /></a>
<li>Have i<span style="font-family: inherit;">solation and mental health issues. </span></li>
<li>Are less motivated (<span style="background-color: #fefefe; color: #262626;">Stanford University Associate Professor of Psychology, </span><a href="http://mindsetscholarsnetwork.org/people/gregory-walton/" style="background-color: #fefefe;" target="_blank">Greg Walton's </a><span style="background-color: #fefefe; color: #262626;"> studies demonstrated that a sense of social belonging can affect motivation and continued persistence, even on impossible tasks. That is, if you don't feel like you belong, you are both less motivated and less likely to overcome obstacles.)</span></li>
<li>Being less likely overcome obstacles, you may question your reason for migrating, you may consider returning to your country of origin when times get tough.</li>
<li>Will feel lonely. </li>
</ol>
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Humans have an emotional need to be part of something that is greater than themselves. Migrants, who have left so much of their sense of belonging behind, have this same desire to want to be part of something.<br />
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In a migrant's initial years they will be clutching at ways to replace the sense of belonging they have left behind. Often the first group they may feel a sense of belonging with is other migrants with their experiences of migration. If these migrants are also from their country of origin, there may be a greater sense of belonging. Joining migrant <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/search?q=cluster">cluster</a> groups are best if the migrant doesn't rely on them solely. An interviewee from India in my <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/p/book-for-sale.html">book</a>, said in her adopted country she and her husband, 'latched onto' an Indian community.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I felt I had swapped one India for another." Not having any sense of belonging with her adopted country, she and her husband considered returning to India. A job offer in a different city came up and they decided to try again."We decided we wouldn't seek out Indian people, but would integrate with the society there. That was the winning thing, we actually got to know other people." At a later stage Nina's mother in law came to live with them. Her mother-in-law needed a slower pace to integrate, so Nina and her husband became involved in the Indian community too. "This way we now have two groups of friends and it works well."</blockquote>
Other interviewees have recommended, going to the library, joining more than one group in case the group you have chosen folds.<br />
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<h3>
What else can a migrant do to help their sense of belonging?</h3>
<ol>
<li>Be ready to give. A sense of belonging is about reaching out for friendship, and about being able to give back. If you are part of a group or community, you have talents that will be needed some day. When the opportunity comes, give! Volunteering is an excellent way to start. John O’Brien once said, “It is dispiriting to always be the needy one.” Our souls are deprived of the chance to make a difference to others.</li>
<li>Try and identify what has made you feel you belong in the past? How can you make that happen again? <a href="http://www.dimagine.com/Belonging.pdf" target="_blank">David Pitonyak, <i>The Importance of Belonging</i> </a>includes an exercise on creating more inclusive environments by examining what it feels like to be excluded, what it feels like to be included and identifying what can be done to help people feel more included and increase their sense of belonging.</li>
<li>If making friends seems a problem, Susan Kurliak and Johanna Johnson have 101 suggestions in their book <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Ways-Make-Friends-Aaron-Johannes/dp/0557042135" target="_blank">101 Ways to Make Friends</a></i>. Here are some samples.</li>
</ol>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
#37 Have one good joke you can tell. Practice it so you’re ready when there’s a gap in the conversation — be known as the one who made everyone feel comfortable.<br />
#75 Collect something, and talk to others who share your passion...coins, hats, ceramic elephants, Elvis memorabilia…<br />
#82 Give yourself permission to miss the mark. Nothing is going to be perfect the first time — to make one friend we need to meet a whole lot of people who won’t be our friends. Just keep trying.</blockquote>
<h3>
What can people, organisations, and countries do to increase sense of belonging?</h3>
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tGZpUXIUzjo/WrsSwpzvalI/AAAAAAAABJk/D5_fr1yTCa4wD8CAV_v9rli0pPDQB96pACLcBGAs/s1600/manaakitanga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="528" data-original-width="707" height="297" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tGZpUXIUzjo/WrsSwpzvalI/AAAAAAAABJk/D5_fr1yTCa4wD8CAV_v9rli0pPDQB96pACLcBGAs/s400/manaakitanga.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
<ul>
<li>Maori, the New Zealand indigenous people have an expression, <a href="https://media.newzealand.com/en/story-ideas/manaakitanga-%E2%80%93-unique-new-zealand-hospitality/">Manaakitanga.</a> This is the Maori style of hospitality. Manaakitanga greeted early settlers to New Zealand. In an event to celebrate Chinese New Year, Chinese migrants who had been in New Zealand for over two decades were re-welcomed in a Powhiri (Maori welcome) in the spirit of Manaakitanga. The Chinese migrants said through this event they felt more of a sense of belonging to New Zealand than through two decades of being a migrant in New Zealand. The reasons for this extra sense of belonging could be put down to some spiritual similarities between Chinese and Maori, and or that the holistic and ceremonial welcoming supported the migrants'emotional need to belong more than a stamp in their passport.</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>Be proactive in welcoming migrants. Many countries have a welcoming communities operation running. By typing in welcoming and the country you are in you are likely to find web sites for your host country.Here are some examples.</li>
</ul>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://www.immigration.govt.nz/about-us/what-we-do/welcoming-communities">Welcoming Communities NZ </a></blockquote>
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<a href="http://www.newcomers.co.nz/">Newcomers Network NZ</a></blockquote>
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<a href="https://welcomingcities.org.au/">https://welcomingcities.org.au/</a></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://www.welcomingamerica.org/programs/member-municipalities">https://www.welcomingamerica.org/programs/member-municipalities</a></blockquote>
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<ul>
<li>There is more help on support networks in my book, The Emotional Challenges of Immigration Chapter 4 - Support Networks. Read it for free <a href="https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B7qzz5LC80dYdUpYVE4wUzJSUmM">here</a>.</li>
</ul>
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<h4>
Other useful links</h4>
<a href="http://www.saywhydoi.com/belonging-why-do-we-need-a-sense-of-belonging/">http://www.saywhydoi.com/belonging-why-do-we-need-a-sense-of-belonging/</a><br />
<a href="https://livelifegetactive.com/blog/sense-of-belonging/">https://livelifegetactive.com/blog/sense-of-belonging/</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201704/belonging">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201704/belonging</a></div>
<a href="https://barbarabray.net/2017/08/02/8-tips-to-foster-a-sense-of-belonging/">https://barbarabray.net/2017/08/02/8-tips-to-foster-a-sense-of-belonging/</a><br />
<a href="https://www.europelanguagejobs.com/blog/make-friends-abroad">https://www.europelanguagejobs.com/blog/make-friends-abroad</a><br />
<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-53076741031903642302018-03-07T16:37:00.000+13:002018-03-07T16:37:06.801+13:00Give Nothing to Racism<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taika_Waititi" target="_blank">Taka Waititi</a>, a New Zealand film director, actor, comedian has put his name to a wonderful new campaign, Give Nothing to Racism. I hope you enjoy it.<br />
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<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-80359257635882821762018-02-12T11:32:00.002+13:002018-02-12T11:35:46.859+13:00Three Painful Questions for Migrants<div>
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Where are you from? Do you like it here? Do you like it there?<br />
These questions said with the best intentions, often as a conversation opener, repeated often enough can eat away at migrants and make them feel isolated.<br />
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<h4>
Where are you from?</h4>
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Accent, appearance, language, make it obvious a migrant is different to the native born. The question 'Where are your from?' although may be said with the best intentions, is a reminder to the migrant that they are not from here. In <i>Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind</i> by Yuval Noah Harari, Harari suggests Homo sapiens default to an 'Us and them' social structure. You are with us or not. He points out that in many cultures the word used to describe any one not born in the area or country to being similar to a description of non-people. 'Where are you from?' can be taken as you don't belong as much as me. Other perils of the question where are you from is discussed more in an earlier blog. Read more <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2016/08/where-are-you-from-or-where-are-you.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Do you like it here? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XY0Q4B1XTaM/WneYLcpoqYI/AAAAAAAABGI/_5Fdmwlip9YbEYeQ0I7LpaWpy_noiQAiQCLcBGAs/s1600/Question-Girl%255B1%255D.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1415" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XY0Q4B1XTaM/WneYLcpoqYI/AAAAAAAABGI/_5Fdmwlip9YbEYeQ0I7LpaWpy_noiQAiQCLcBGAs/s200/Question-Girl%255B1%255D.png" width="176" /></a></div>
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When this question is asked the migrant is doomed. By the fact the migrant has lived in two countries, they have a comparative point of view. Transport networks, climate, housing. they have experienced both and can see the advantages and disadvantages of each.</div>
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If the migrant is honest, and some cultures are more honest than others, he/she may say something like, I love the climate, culture and people, but I think the transport system or lack of it is frustrating. The criticism sticks out. Even such a cushioned honest reply from the migrant may cause the native born to think or say, 'Why don't you go back home then? '</div>
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Why is criticism not taken well? Because the migrant can be likened to a guest, and guests don't insult their hosts. Imagine you are invited to dinner, your host asks you whether you enjoyed the meal. If you reply that it was lovely except the main course was a little underdone, there will be unease. A guest has expected behaviour. Often migrants have to accentuate the positive. And until they find someone who can receive the migrant's honest observations or criticism, they may have to bottle up any negative feelings about the country they have chosen to live in. A migrant, you are a guest in your host country.</div>
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Do you like it there?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5wvTgDP1oCo/WneYK0CZ4JI/AAAAAAAABGA/JE6dvqiyhqAf_nfcgFHhN2PNlIkiZ1HGQCEwYBhgL/s1600/Question-Guy%255B1%255D.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="288" data-original-width="261" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5wvTgDP1oCo/WneYK0CZ4JI/AAAAAAAABGA/JE6dvqiyhqAf_nfcgFHhN2PNlIkiZ1HGQCEwYBhgL/s1600/Question-Guy%255B1%255D.png" /></a></div>
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When a migrant visits their homeland, they may yearn to be honest with their loved ones. Again they have a comparative opinion, and they have chosen to 'give up' their homeland. One of my sisters once said to me, "Where you are living better be a great place, because you have given up so much to be there."<br />
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The question 'Do you like it there?' should be treated with caution. Every positive of your host country is a negative score for your homeland. If you point out all the host country negatives that you can't share with native born of your host country, your loved one may wonder why you are still there. It can be safer to accentuate the positives of the things you miss in your homeland, and even be prepared to be told it is not like that any more. As a migrant, you may have to behave as a guest in your homeland.</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-izy70dLoyxE/WneWml09YiI/AAAAAAAABFs/T8EeFarqMMAA9nUR3JQKDF-ep1yuOJ21QCLcBGAs/s1600/Guest-Is-God-60.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="347" data-original-width="347" height="199" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-izy70dLoyxE/WneWml09YiI/AAAAAAAABFs/T8EeFarqMMAA9nUR3JQKDF-ep1yuOJ21QCLcBGAs/s200/Guest-Is-God-60.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<div>
These questions are a constant reminder that you are don't belong, and although you have a comparative opinion, it is not always welcome.You are a guest in two homes.</div>
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<h3>
What can you do?</h3>
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<ol>
<li>Talk to other migrants, as they are unlikely to take offense when you are making comparisons. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RBxPd4Ry2Gc/WneWqwjkEpI/AAAAAAAABFw/WcV42gmjXC0btb9x1F6-dszAlwr25OVHwCEwYBhgL/s1600/talking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RBxPd4Ry2Gc/WneWqwjkEpI/AAAAAAAABFw/WcV42gmjXC0btb9x1F6-dszAlwr25OVHwCEwYBhgL/s1600/talking.jpg" /></a></div>
</li>
<li>Accept that like a permanent traveller, you will always be reporting on the positives.</li>
<li>If you are never able to speak your mind, seek someone who you can offload to. I have come across two women who bottled up their grievances for over twenty years, so much so that they became sick.</li>
<li>Journal your observations.</li>
<li>Research on line for other migrants. There are often country specific blogs that you can post your feelings on and feel you are heard.</li>
<li>Reviews and comments about my <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/p/book-for-sale.html" target="_blank">book</a> have focused on the relief a migrant has felt in knowing other migrants felt the same way. </li>
</ol>
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-52000259983242956122017-11-21T05:58:00.000+13:002017-11-21T05:58:30.500+13:00Overqualified migrants. What are the impacts? What can help?This post will review the:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>The negative effects of overqualified or underemployed migrants for the host country.</li>
<li>What can help migrants who are overqualified?</li>
</ul>
<div>
The previous post <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2017/10/why-are-migrant-doctors-driving-taxis.html" target="_blank">Why are migrant doctors driving taxis?</a> looked at:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Reasons behind migrants being overqualified</li>
<li>How does overqualification affect migrants?</li>
</ul>
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The negative effects of overqualified or underemployed migrants for the host country.</h4>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fetQr_nRq6M/WdXkuaiHnhI/AAAAAAAABE4/S-1f-pDc8gMIySlf5L5iRP8Ih8pGa_MYgCEwYBhgL/s1600/dec%2Bproductivity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="149" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fetQr_nRq6M/WdXkuaiHnhI/AAAAAAAABE4/S-1f-pDc8gMIySlf5L5iRP8Ih8pGa_MYgCEwYBhgL/s200/dec%2Bproductivity.jpg" width="200" /></a>1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Migrants employed in low skilled jobs with a low esteem may decrease productivity. <br />
2. The host country becomes over-reliant on skilled labour at a low rate. This cheap labour may not be sustainable. When an English person was asked what she thought after Brexit was voted for, they said, </div>
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“Get rid of the migrants, but not my Polish plumber. He is so skilled and cheap.”</blockquote>
Other examples of over-reliance on cheaper immigrant labour are in aged care places, where migrants often qualified nurses are low-paid carers, or the dairy industry in NZ, which has become reliant on Filipino workers. <br />
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3. The migrant, dissatisfied and unable to live the dream, repatriates. The host country’s immigration department investment in that person is lost. As the migrant goes ‘home’ and describes their experience, the country loses out on other potential migrants. According to <a href="https://www.helpscout.net/75-customer-service-facts-quotes-statistics/#one">Helpscout</a>, it takes twelve positive experiences to make up for one negative experience. An article in the NZ Herald in September 2017 headlined “<a href="http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11924965">Don’t come to New Zealand British teachers warned colleagues back home</a>” highlighted that the process of qualification recognition was costly and in some cases unrealistic. <br />
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4. Losing labour when immigration policies change. NZ recently announced a salary of $48,000 to determine whether a migrant is skilled. A salary below $48,000 meant that you were unskilled. <br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“The rules were due to come into effect next month, and included a minimum annual income of $48,000 for jobs currently considered skilled. It would force immigrants to leave for at least 12 months after three years of working here.” <a href="http://www.radionz.co.nz/news/national/335811/work-visas-hit-all-time-high">Radio NZ</a> </blockquote>
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5. Marginalised migrants gather and take solace in clusters. These clusters or ‘ethnic groups’ can create friction with the native born as the group increases in number, strength and unity. Immigrants become perceived in stereotypes rather than as individuals. The groups are harder to integrate into the community.<br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JI3aN5cVNTg/WdXko3VkNwI/AAAAAAAABE0/e0sYWmk-jU4rG46NNnvhxGge1yPDzMsoACEwYBhgL/s1600/cartoonoverqualified.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="201" data-original-width="253" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JI3aN5cVNTg/WdXko3VkNwI/AAAAAAAABE0/e0sYWmk-jU4rG46NNnvhxGge1yPDzMsoACEwYBhgL/s1600/cartoonoverqualified.jpg" /></a></div>
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What can help overqualified migrants?</h4>
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<ol>
<li>Be well-researched on the requirements of the country.</li>
<li>Accept that unless you have been headhunted for a position,
being underemployed for a while may help you have the energy to get to know the
country you are in.</li>
<li>Have your qualifications recognised by an international
standard before you migrate.</li>
<li>Improve your language of the host country.</li>
<li>Make connections with people in the host country so that
when an opportunity comes up, you can take it.</li>
<li>Re-evaluate why you wanted to migrate. Was it employment
prospects, lifestyle or other reasons?</li>
<li>Seek out other migrants who feel similarly. Support each
other and campaign for greater recognition of workplace diversity and reduction
of discrimination.</li>
</ol>
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Below are two websites that are helping migrants to become
fully employed. Hopefully internet searching for professional migrant help in your host
country will help you find ways to reach your full potential when you ready.</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dZU8EvnBK_Q/WdXk1j6F2ZI/AAAAAAAABE8/cQAa_CbvlkcONsHhzLI-hGTUAKKf3TIBwCLcBGAs/s1600/caption%2Boverqualified.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="164" data-original-width="307" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dZU8EvnBK_Q/WdXk1j6F2ZI/AAAAAAAABE8/cQAa_CbvlkcONsHhzLI-hGTUAKKf3TIBwCLcBGAs/s1600/caption%2Boverqualified.jpg" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.ames.net.au/education-and-training/skilled-professional-migrants-program-(spmp)">Skilled
Professional Migrants Program (SPMP) Australia</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://www.victoria.ac.nz/lals/centres-and-institutes/eli/skilled-migrant-programme">Skilled
Migrant Programme New Zealand</a></span></div>
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-61331064602369645492017-10-05T20:13:00.001+13:002017-10-05T20:13:50.645+13:00Why are migrant doctors driving taxis?<br />
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“On average across
OECD countries, 28.3% of highly educated immigrants are formally overqualified
for the job they hold compared with less than 17.6% for the native-born.” <a href="https://books.google.co.nz/books?id=CDoJ1x2afG0C&pg=PA120&lpg=PA120&dq=overqualified+immigrants&source=bl&ots=j5T2KekYEE&sig=knwnvdVvHzmQ2-mAoC4_wrrqyEQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjD4pf5_dLTAhUCXrwKHauWCQAQ6AEIQjAG#v=onepage&q=overqualified%20immigrants&f=false"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-NZ; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">Settling In: OECD Indicators of Immigrant Integration 2012</span></a><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-NZ; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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Cleaners who are professors, road workers who are engineers,
farm workers who are vets and doctors who drive taxis; why are so many migrants
are overqualified? This blog is in two parts and will consider the following:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<ul>
<li>Reasons
behind migrants being overqualified</li>
<li>How does
overqualification affect migrants?</li>
<li>The negative
effects of overqualified or underemployed migrants for the host country.</li>
<li>What will
help migrants who are overqualified?</li>
</ul>
<h4>
<ul>
<li>Reasons behind migrants being overqualified</li>
</ul>
</h4>
1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>Migrant qualifications may not be recognised in their host country. Professionals (engineers, doctors, nurses, professors) often must go through a registration process or assimilation process to bring them ‘up to standard.’ This registration process is often time- and money-consuming and may not be the highest priority for the migrant when they first arrive.<br />
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<br />2. Migrant education may not be recognised. Data from the Office of National Statistics on immigration of Eastern Europeans in the UK showed, <br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“A full 40% of EU8 workers in the survey were over-qualified for the job they were doing, due to the impossibility of converting their home academic titles into a same-level UK one.” <a href="http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/work-over-qualified-returning-home-truth-about-eastern-europeans-uk-1629655">International Business Times</a> </blockquote>
<br />3. The primary reason for migration was not to use their skill set. The migrant did not migrate expecting to use their skills, although they might like to. Not expecting to use their skills, may be due to:<br /><br />a. A migrant may have migrated to be with their spouse or family member whose skill set had been in demand. <br />b. They were an ‘economic migrant.’ Countries offer immigration if the migrant invests in the host country.<br />c. Humanitarian reasons, political asylum or refugee.<br /><br />4. The host country may have a drive for labour in an industry, for example the dairy industry in NZ. <br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Dairy farms employ hundreds of migrant workers. It's estimated that 15 per cent of all dairy farm employees aren't New Zealand citizens or permanent residents. “ <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/farming/opinion/92874088/brad-markham-immigration-rule-changes-could-hit-dozens-of-taranaki-farms">NZ Farmer.co.nz</a></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
These employees are on work visas, their qualifications and experience may not match the work they are doing, but the hope of becoming permanent residents is enough for them to work even if they are underemployed.</blockquote>
<br />5. The language differences may cause a lack of confidence in communicating or promoting themselves at a professional level.<br /><br />6. Migrants are discriminated against. Mai Chen <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/industries/70595477/gender-and-race-discrimination-hurting-new-zealand-financially-lawyer-mai-chen">said</a>, <br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Discrimination is actually preventing New Zealand from fulfilling its full potential."</blockquote>
<br />7. Skilled workers often choose or resort to being self-employed as an attractive alternative to employment. A restaurant or food provider, a stall or a ‘two dollar shop’ or franchise can be a preferable means of employment due to:<br /><br />a. Fulfilling the immigration requirement in its economic form such as a business visa, where the migrant must show that they can manage a business with staff and budgets etc.<br />b. Being self-employed can limit being marginalised. In a large organisation a migrant runs the risk of being marginalised, through their accent, their language, their appearance or the fact that they are more qualified than their peers or superiors. <br />
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<h4>
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<li>How does overqualification affect migrants?</li>
</ul>
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<img src="file:///C:/Users/ELLIEB~1/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image002.png" />1.Survival first. A conversation recently with a Russian migrant to New Zealand reminded me that initially a migrant’s need is survival. Moving to a new country there are so many changes for their brain to get used to (culture shock) that adapting to those changes consumes energy. On Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a new migrant’s immediate needs are at the bottom of the pyramid, the physiological and safety level. At this early stage of migration, underemployment can be perceived to be acceptable, even desirable. Later, and this may be a few years or decades, the underemployment may have a detrimental effect. <br /><br />2. Undervalued. A migrant being unable to put their experience and qualifications to use, or not being valued or recognised for their full potential, can cause anger and frustration. <br /><br />3. Isolation. A migrant can feel isolated because their co-workers feel too different to them. Having a higher qualification can be added to the reasons their co-workers feel different to them, such as accent, language and appearance. <br /><br />4. High expectations on their children. Second generation migrants often achieve a higher level of employment than their parents. The second generation doesn’t have to familiarise themselves with education or the idiosyncrasies of a different country. The children of migrants may feel extra pressure to succeed in a way that their parents couldn’t. <br /><br />5. Poverty, as you are not meeting the needs of your family in your host country, and/or your remittance expectations to your country of origin.</div>
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My next post will continue this subject with:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>The negative effects of overqualified or underemployed migrants for the host country.</li>
<li>What can help overqualified migrants?</li>
</ul>
I would love to hear your experiences and comments. Post them below.</div>
Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-49854885347737798402017-08-27T11:32:00.002+12:002017-08-27T11:35:07.059+12:00Do you live in the best country?<h2 class="null" style="color: #202020; display: block; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 22px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 125%; margin: 0px; padding: 0; text-align: left;">
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Are you living in the best place? Migrants chose a country to move to based on their needs at that time. Needs will differ depending on the migrant's situation and personality. They may chose a country that offers either more prosperity, safety, or is environmentally friendly. A migrant may look for a county that makes integration of migrants a high priority.<br />
<br />
Hopefully once you have moved and become a migrant, you feel that your adopted country s a great place to be for you. Would you feel better if your country was in the top ten countries of the world? Have a look at the three videos from <a href="http://www.tdcvideo.com/" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">The Daily Conversation</a> below to see where your adopted country ranks.</div>
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<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xuljpr0aEBo&t=2s" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">The Top Ten Countries That Recycle The Most</a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHYknjRJ-WQ" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">World's 10 Most Prosperous Countries</a><br />
<br />
There isn't a top ten for best country for integrating migrants, but it seems that Canada is a leader with, <a href="https://iversity.org/en/my/courses/rethinking-us-them-integration-and-diversity-in-europe/lesson_units/69817" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Multiculturalism is more important to Canadians' national identity than hockey</a>. In this chapter, Prof. Dr Irene Bloemraad notes how multiculturalism is embraced in Canada. The video is part of a free course from<em> </em><a href="https://iversity.org/en/my/courses/rethinking-us-them-integration-and-diversity-in-europe" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Iveristy.org</a>, '<em>Rethinking 'Us' & 'Them': Integration and Diversity in Europe'.</em> The course is made up of 5 minute videos. I recommend it.<br />
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Did your country of choice come into the top ten? Did it make you feel better knowing so? The ranking is a nice to know for many. More important is that you appreciate the advantages your adopted country has on offer.</div>
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Are you making the most of the country you are in? </h2>
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Whether your country is in the top ten or not, it is important to check whether you are making the most of the country you are in, especially if you are feeling <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2015/08/getting-through-unsettling-times.html#more" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">unsettled</a>. Maybe you need to put more effort into the country you are living in. Have you looked into or experienced the highlights of your adopted country? Have you become involved in the community around you? Have you been over-relying on your phone or computer for stimulation and connection?<br />
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New Zealand is known for its natural beauty. In New Zealand I have walked around volcanoes, attended a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C4%81ngi" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">hangi</a>, been for bush walks, felt the youth of the country under my feet. I have played in the waves on empty beaches and swam in clean rivers, and before I had children, joining an evening class helped me get to know New Zealanders outside of work. As a family we have continued with enjoying beaches and bush walks. Our children have become involved in sport and both my husband and I became involved in local voluntary work.<br />
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If you are unsettled, bored or dissatisfied, you may resort to your phone for connection. <a href="http://davidlivermore.com/blog/2017/04/13/2332/" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">David Livermore CQ</a> (cultural intelligence) specialist, highlights that with our smartphones we are continually being connected elsewhere,<br />
“..several of the security officers were leaning against the wall scrolling through their phones every time I walked by them.”<br />
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Smartphones may have wiped out boredom from idle moments, but it has also stopped us looking at what is around us. If you feel unsettled because the country you chose to live in has not worked out the way you thought, leave the virtual world, and look for new experiences in your new environment. Below is a couple of videos that remind us how easy it is to overuse our phones.<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Look up</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/1337HACKING/videos/331672903919784/" style="-ms-text-size-adjust: 100%; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; color: #656565; font-weight: normal; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Madness of Humans</a> </div>
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I would love to know your comments.</div>
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<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-1349172931234271612017-07-30T12:29:00.002+12:002017-07-30T12:32:02.375+12:00Surrogate Grandparents<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XWwzO2yD4QY/WX0jBbPImhI/AAAAAAAABDA/ZKxW-TBSDZARrb_SEfZ6tYYlUDkh7t_CQCLcBGAs/s1600/Grandparent2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XWwzO2yD4QY/WX0jBbPImhI/AAAAAAAABDA/ZKxW-TBSDZARrb_SEfZ6tYYlUDkh7t_CQCLcBGAs/s1600/Grandparent2.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I have previously written about the importance of
grandparent/grandchild relationships. As a mother, I missed my children having
both of their sets of grandparents around. I have heard adults including my
grown children say they feel they missed out from not having both sets of
grandparents nearby. Friends, now grandparents themselves have described how
they have missed having their grandchild close. It doesn't matter how many toys
the grandparents send, and jumpers they knit, not having their grandchildren
around is a void in their lives.<br />
<br />
Surrogate grand parenting is one way to alleviate the missing for both
generations. Succinctly put by a blog in </span><a href="http://www.grandparents.com/grandkids/you-and-your-grandkids/surrogate-grandparents" target="_blank"><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 150%;">grandparents.com</span></a><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<em><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“If grandparents did not exist, children would surely invent
them.”</span></em><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
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<em>...a line from the book Grandparents/Grandchildren: The Vital
Connection (Doubleday) that my husband, Ken Woodward, and Arthur Kornhaber,
M.D., wrote more than two decades ago.</em><br />
<br />
<em>"They’re not our grandkids. And we don’t take the place of
their grandparents. But we share a very special bond that only these two
generations can really understand. It allows us to pour out some grandparenting
love and savvy on two adorable kids who really appreciate it.</em><i><br />
<br />
<em>My grandkids don’t have the need for a substitute grandparent, as
they live in cities where they have the real McCoy. And while I know what a
help this is to the parents and how much fun it is for the grandkids, there are
times when I can’t help but feeling jealous. Especially when they call to tell
us about a trip to the aquarium or an overnight with their local grandparents.
So this across-the-street relationship we have built with these youngsters is
as nice for us as it is for them."</em></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cA3xiWW4YeA/WX0i4vKZMiI/AAAAAAAABC8/jjD-Q_1XGyk_73ZOe84ok8OYcMTonbQfwCEwYBhgL/s1600/Gpa1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="224" data-original-width="224" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cA3xiWW4YeA/WX0i4vKZMiI/AAAAAAAABC8/jjD-Q_1XGyk_73ZOe84ok8OYcMTonbQfwCEwYBhgL/s1600/Gpa1.jpg" /></a></div>
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If you are interested in becoming a surrogate grandparents,there are websites
that can arrange the connection. By searching in facebook for <em>Surrogate
Grandparents</em> in your country or area, you are likely to find a
match. Here are some other links that I have found:<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><a href="http://volunteergrandparents.ca/">http://volunteergrandparents.ca/</a></span></span><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><a href="http://www.findagrandparent.org.au/faq.asp">http://www.findagrandparent.org.au/faq.asp</a></span></span><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><a href="http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2017/surrogate-grandparents-benefits-fd.html">http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2017/surrogate-grandparents-benefits-fd.html</a></span></span><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><a href="http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/surrogate-grandparents-scheme/news-story/f1eba1efc48fd582b0fc8f36766ffe77">http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/surrogate-grandparents-scheme/news-</a><a href="https://www.surrogategrandparents.org.nz/">story/f1eba1efc48fd582b0fc8f36766ffe77</a></span></span><br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t5HA-KFMJHc/VjwgcE5bVEI/AAAAAAAAAq4/-wHwCLKNfLQ96cU5-2o5lmyk36-dUrcKACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Gpar2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="180" data-original-width="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t5HA-KFMJHc/VjwgcE5bVEI/AAAAAAAAAq4/-wHwCLKNfLQ96cU5-2o5lmyk36-dUrcKACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Gpar2.jpg" /></a><a href="https://www.surrogategrandparents.org.nz/">https://www.surrogategrandparents.org.nz/</a><span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"><br />
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On the subject of grandparents, in case you haven't seen this post already...<br />
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<span style="color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Let us know about how you have overcome missing your grandparents, your children's grandparents or if you are a grandparent, your grandchildren, by writing in the comments below.</span>Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-65199713723496436362017-06-13T18:49:00.000+12:002017-06-13T18:49:07.643+12:00Surprise VisitsWhat would a surprise visit be like? I have never been part of one. In the Visits Home chapter of my <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/p/book-for-sale.html">book</a>, three women describe their surprise visits. You can read about them <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7qzz5LC80dYa0FoWFNnLUVQVGM/view">here</a> in the free download.
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I was inspired to write about surprise visits as a friend recently had a surprise visit set up for her. Uber had an ad campaign planned for Mothers Day in the northern hemisphere (March). Annie from England, but living in Australia has a daughter, Lily working in England. Lily's friend asked Annie if she wanted to be part of the ad. Within forty eight hours Annie had crossed the world without telling anyone. A logistical and mental challenge but definitely worth it. Here is the result, enjoy the ride, and keep a hanky nearby.
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwLQ8fatjyo&feature=youthe">Mothers surprise their children.</a><br />
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If anyone would like to share their surprise visits experiences, I would love to hear about them. Post a comment below and I can contact you.Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-48847411906545068082017-04-22T11:12:00.000+12:002017-04-22T11:12:53.097+12:00Are people with brown eyes are more intelligent?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My daughter recommended I watch a documentary "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqv9k3jbtYU">How Racist Are You. Jane Elliots Brown Eye/Blue Eye Excercise."</a> The documentary captured me. I was disappointed that so many of the 'blue eyed/white folk' didn't get or worse, didn't allow the exercise to be completed. The exercise was a chance for the blue eyed people to experience what life was like in a brown eyed world. Many of the participants missed an opportunity of learning and empathising. The video is worth watching, even to see how the group dynamics play out. This particular clip was an experiment carried out in England, if you look on youtube you can find versions of the same exercise in other countries.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/l8PicAzrNU0/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/l8PicAzrNU0?feature=player_embedded" style="clear: right; float: right;" width="320"></iframe>I was so intrigued by <a href="http://www.janeelliott.com/">Jane Elliot's</a> work that I watched more youtube clips. Oprah had Jane as a guest on her show, '<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8PicAzrNU0">The Racism Discussion</a> 1992'. The dated clothes, hairstyles, and some attitudes aside, the programme is also recommended watching, Three minutes into the clip a guest asks what proof Jane Elliot has that brown eyed people are more intelligent than blue eyed people. Jane Elliot brings to our attention that brown eyed people, people of colour, brought our civilisation the alphabet, our numerical system, our electricity and every major religion on the earth. Jane Elliot went on to say, "we are educated by a racist school system that only teaches us about white contribution." </div>
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If you watch any youtube clips of Jane Elliot, you will see that she is not a voice of gentle persuasion. I admire her determination in making us reflect on how racist we can be, even though racism may not be our intention. As Jane said in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZkIGASPrzM">Part 2</a> of The Racism Discussion, racism is a learned response and it can be unlearned, but to unlearn such a response will take a conscious effort.<br />
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Maybe people with brown eyes are more intelligent. The issue is not intelligence, but the treatment of others. I have blue eyes. I have been brought up in a country where whites had more advantages. I am living in a country where whites have more advantages. The Jane Elliot youtube clips I watched made me more aware of how presumptuous I have been. I may have thought I knew how it was for people with brown eyes, but I became aware that I hadn't spent much time thinking how it was for people with brown eyes. I hope I can be open minded and aware of the racism I have. I hope I can keep working on neutralising it. I hope others will too.<br />
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Let me know your reaction to this blog or the brown eye/blue eye exercise?<br />
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<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-84706798418783996872017-03-14T07:59:00.000+13:002017-03-24T18:21:07.523+13:00Time for a laugh. Why migrant comedians get us thinking and laughing. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;">Laughing is healthy and fun. I have been to many standup comedy shows. I'm sure the comedians are nervous before they come on stage, I know I am tense as part of the audience. Will I find this funny? Will my fellow guests laugh out loud? I hope so. I dread the comedian 'bombing,' and I hope they are resilient enough to laugh a bad night off. I am eager to laugh with them because I have come to the venue for a laugh, and because I admire their bravery.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;">Why would migrants make good comedians? With all jokes, the humour comes from 'laughing at someone else's expense.' Much of the humour from migrants is based on their experiences. They are laughing at what has happened to them, and or ridiculing the circumstances responsible for those laughable situations.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;">Migrants can observe because they have two perspectives of the country or society they are living in. In a previous post, some of the </span><a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2016/10/12-reasons-why-migrants-make-good.html">12 reasons why migrants make good artists</a><span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;"> are also valid for comedians. For example, show host and comedian Graham Norton said that being an outsider, helped him to be an observer asking the questions, rather than having to be included in the group.</span><br />
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<a name='more'></a><span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;">Comedy may be described as mocking the weak. The person laughing feels momentarily superior. They have a feeling of elation due to someone else's weaknesses or perhaps their own. An immigrant who looks or sounds different to the crowd can be perceived as inferior, vulnerable, weak. The audience already feels superior to them and willing to laugh. Comedian and writer Sami Shah says, "As an immigrant, you have to warm up the audience to who you are." </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;">Perhaps once you explain that you are different, it gives the audience licence to laugh at the differences in that comedy-show setting. A comedian also has a licence to make fun of the audience or the challenges the comedian has had due to the audience's individual or societal weaknesses.</span><br />
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<strong>Being a migrant comedian: </strong></h3>
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<strong>1. Gives migrants a voice</strong></h4>
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"Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.” -<a href="http://www.humanityinaction.org/knowledgebase/174-when-the-truth-hurts-tell-a-joke-why-america-needs-its-comedians" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank">Mary Hirsch, Humorist</a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIsY6z8FmF8&index=3&list=RDTGEY8cZuGF4" style="clear: right; color: #656565; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank"><img data-file-id="2541733" height="123" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/1a164776973eaca7161c78b79/images/69535d27-ec4e-48d7-bcc3-df5fb7932c1c.png" style="border: 0px; height: 123px; margin: 0px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 150px;" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shazia Mirza</td></tr>
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For <a href="http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/young-comics-from-immigrant-families-serve-up-worldly-humor/" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank">Farhoud,</a> the very point of comedy is to push people up against what makes them uncomfortable: “Television and a lot of performing arts are censored, but comedy is raw. As long as it’s funny, it will get people thinking about things they wouldn’t otherwise think about.”<br />
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Cristela Alonzo has been described as opinionated. Through humour, she can get her message across: "In election years, everyone talks about the good old days—but they never tell you when the good old days were. I’m a person of color. When were my good old days?"<br />
See her perform <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELfUpXoP-A4&list=RDELfUpXoP-A4&index=1" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Shazia Mirza makes humour from the challenges of being a Muslim woman in a western society. Click <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIsY6z8FmF8&index=3&list=RDTGEY8cZuGF4">here</a> to watch. </div>
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<strong>2. Helps migrants face their challenges</strong></h4>
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"Most standup comedians started in the playground when they were bullied. It starts off as a defence mechanism and ends up as empowerment. That's why it can be a force for good." <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2014/feb/11/science-comedy-academics-social" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank">Roger Clegg</a><br />
The process of writing a comedy sketch would start with identifying poignant experiences. Then you work out how those experiences can be retold in a humorous way. Even if you are the subject of mockery, by laughing at the situation, or finding humour in it, you take ownership or control of the situation and literally make it laughable.</div>
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<strong>3. It helps </strong><strong>self-esteem</strong></h4>
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Not only are you brave enough to laugh at your own misfortunes, but you are brave enough to do it in a public setting. It must be empowering. 'This is me. This is how life is for me. If you are uncomfortable with what I am saying then perhaps you should think why.'</div>
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<br /><strong>Time for a laugh</strong></h4>
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As we all like to laugh, here are some clips of migrant comedians' performances. Warning - there are a few words or phrases that maybe offensive.<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHtnE4ALtP0&index=9&list=RDTGEY8cZuGF4" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank">Shappi Khorsandi</a> shares anecdotes of misunderstandings of being an Iranian woman in England.<br />
<a href="https://museumvictoria.com.au/immigrationmuseum/discoverycentre/identity/videos/expressing-ourselves-videos/nazeem-hussain-and-aamer-rahmans-comedy/" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank">Nazeem Hussain and </a><a href="https://museumvictoria.com.au/immigrationmuseum/discoverycentre/identity/videos/expressing-ourselves-videos/nazeem-hussain-and-aamer-rahmans-comedy/" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Amaer</a><a href="https://museumvictoria.com.au/immigrationmuseum/discoverycentre/identity/videos/expressing-ourselves-videos/nazeem-hussain-and-aamer-rahmans-comedy/" style="color: #656565; text-size-adjust: 100%;"> Rahman</a> talk about their experiences as comedians for the Immigration Museum Victoria, Australia. My favorite joke clip: "If you ever wake up in hospital and there is not one brown or Asian doctor in that hospital, you should probably get the hell out of there. Coz, you’re not actually in a hospital, you’re just on the set of a mediocre but well loved Australian TV series."</div>
<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;">And for more information, Sami Shah talks on his Laughing Dead program to immigrant comedians, Dilruk Jayasinha and Ivan Aristeguieta. Click <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/laughingdead/immigrant-comedians-dilruk-jayasinha-and-ivan-aristeguieta/7874306">here</a> to listen.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;"> </span><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/laughingdead/immigrant-comedians-dilruk-jayasinha-and-ivan-aristeguieta/7874306" style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #656565; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank"><img data-file-id="2541669" height="81" src="https://gallery.mailchimp.com/1a164776973eaca7161c78b79/images/bea092e2-cc26-470c-9bf0-14424e22ef9c.png" style="border: 0px; height: 81px; margin: 0px; outline: none; text-decoration: none; width: 150px;" width="150" /></a><br />
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This post was originally from our February newsletter. Click <a href="http://migrantemotions.us11.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=1a164776973eaca7161c78b79&id=1dedd23810">here</a> to subscribe<br />
<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-1188235528250395822017-02-14T14:34:00.000+13:002017-02-15T13:03:36.908+13:00Dual citizenship issues<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The recent <a href="http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38781302">ban</a> by Trump on the travel of migrants with dual citizenship of seven countries has highlighted one of the pitfalls of having dual citizenship status. By living in a country and maintaining 'ownership' of another country, you subject yourself to issues of both your country of origin and your host country.<br />
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I feel for all the migrants of the seven countries 'travel ban.' Migrants will have to put on hold, cancel or adjust trips home to visit, and visiting sick parents. The ban has caused a worldwide gasp. It has inspired many people to increase their knowledge of world politics, from having zero political interest to some, or from some to taking action such as protesting.<br />
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The melting pot of the world certainly seems to have been stirred and heated up. I hope the suddenness of this ban continues to be considered as unreasonable, and that action continues to stop the ban. I hope that the outcome is that migrants and refugees are perceived more as individuals motivated to have the best life they can. The article below tells the story of two individuals.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HEr4R-MXFqk/WJorBMXI3vI/AAAAAAAAA88/0LV3U3zVJtYaaEyB-Au6uQsDGipyWN7BwCLcB/s1600/refugees.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HEr4R-MXFqk/WJorBMXI3vI/AAAAAAAAA88/0LV3U3zVJtYaaEyB-Au6uQsDGipyWN7BwCLcB/s320/refugees.PNG" width="320" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "guardian text egyptian web" , "georgia" , serif;">“Australia has kindly given us a new life and after only two years of learning English, my brother has recently made the news when graduating as a dux of his school and currently studying to be a doctor. I am also halfway through my business degree. Why would someone ban people like us from being citizens of this country?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/feb/07/qanda-refugees-human-face-debate-trump-travel-ban">Q&A: refugees put a human face on debate over Trump's travel ban</a></span></div>
More on Dual Citizenship from a previous Newsletter (March 2014.) <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7qzz5LC80dYdW5iYjZ5TkJHUGc/view?usp=sharing">Read more here.</a> <br />
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There is a great real-life story in there too of what can happen when you lose your passport.<br />
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-3354045572276665792017-01-08T16:35:00.001+13:002017-01-08T16:35:30.445+13:00101 support for migrants<div class="definition-parent" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;">
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<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"> Last year I spoke to an immigrant cluster support network group, Wings.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span>Wings <span style="background-color: transparent;">has</span><span style="background-color: transparent;"> been running for nearly ten years and is a great example of a support network for immigrants, especially new immigrants and people new to the district. The group stood out as being warm, welcoming and with a variety of activities at different times of the day, caters for an extensive pool of interests.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"> I spoke to this support group about the lifecycle of an immigrant and touched on some emotional challenges of immigration. Issues such as the difficulties when your loved ones are elderly or sick seemed timely to discuss, because before the talk one member had related that she had just returned from four months in California looking after her sick father. She was now on “stand by” waiting to hear of news that would need decisions and action. Another member related that she had just found out that her brother-in-law had died that day. Tears exuded her fragility and I thought of the frustration she would probably be feeling from not being among those who loved him and so be able to share the grief together.<br /> In the question time, we talked abut connection with grandchildren or lack of it. One woman said, “You come here. You learn English. You let English be your main language at home so that your children will get the best out of school. Then when your parents come over, your children can’t communicate with their grandparents because they don’t have the same first language.” The comment reminded me that language differences are a strong barrier when trying to keep connected with your loved ones and those in your adopted country.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span>It was good to know that there was a place where these immigrants had a place to air their frustrations and challenges. Well done Wings.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There are times when you need help</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">You can read more about support networks from the free pdf chapter of my book, The <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/p/book-for-sale.html">Emotional Challenges of Immigration</a>, download the chapter by clicking <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7qzz5LC80dYdUpYVE4wUzJSUmM/view?usp=sharing">here</a>.</span></div>
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-58435677290503496052016-12-17T08:53:00.000+13:002016-12-17T08:53:53.922+13:00Christmas helpCelebration time in some parts of the world. Holiday time in others. Here is a useful resource from my <a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/p/book-for-sale.html">book</a>, chapter 14 on <b>Surviving Christmas and other cultural celebrations</b>. Read the chapter as a PDF <a href="https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B7qzz5LC80dYT0xDQ1lWZnA4X1k">here</a>.<br />
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Here are some of my previous blogs for help with Christmas<br />
<a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.com/2014/11/9-strategies-for-happier-immigrant.html"><br /></a>
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<span style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.com/2014/11/9-strategies-for-happier-immigrant.html"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n0Eou-r3jjg/VGq3_fi5r3I/AAAAAAAAAZk/6Gq47lYuv50wPk1t7-KCpX8JaJKz4TybQCPcB/s320/A-nativity-scene-in-a-chi-011.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.com/2014/11/9-strategies-for-happier-immigrant.html">Nine Strategies for a happier Christmas</a><br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ls2uaUv_xr8/UmApH_JQ7uI/AAAAAAAAAEk/gC6J1MP9BCI9uC90888muTQpsHTH9QhGQCPcB/s1600/Children%2Bon%2Bplane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ls2uaUv_xr8/UmApH_JQ7uI/AAAAAAAAAEk/gC6J1MP9BCI9uC90888muTQpsHTH9QhGQCPcB/s200/Children%2Bon%2Bplane.jpg" width="136" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2013/10/how-to-reduce-fear-of-flying-with.html"><br /></a>
If you are about to fly with children, you may find this useful<br />
<a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2013/10/how-to-reduce-fear-of-flying-with.html">How to reduce fear of flying with children</a><br />
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And if that isn't enough here are another couple of helpful links from other bloggers.<br />
<a href="http://expatchild.com/keep-calm-its-christmas/">http://expatchild.com/keep-calm-its-christmas/</a><br />
<a href="http://expatchild.com/christmas-abroad/">http://expatchild.com/christmas-abroad/</a><br />
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Wishing you a wonderful festive season with love laughter and hope for a great year ahead.Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-69570557284962875622016-12-01T16:22:00.004+13:002016-12-17T08:54:35.275+13:00Underwear-undercover familiarity<div class="definition-parent" style="background-color: white;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>This is not a knicker fetish</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span> <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">This was originally posted on my newsletter. I thought it worth posting on my blog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>Why do I keep buying M&S knickers?</span></div>
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<a href="https://hostedimages-cdn.aweber-static.com/Nzk2NTgx/original/ddd8cb664c4a4c939cf22b3e99000b17.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img align="left" alt="M&S knickers" aw-attributes="src,alt,width,height" border="0" class="model" height="410" src="https://hostedimages-cdn.aweber-static.com/Nzk2NTgx/original/ddd8cb664c4a4c939cf22b3e99000b17.jpeg" style="height: 410px; margin-top: auto; width: 316px;" width="316" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>I don’t have an underwear fetish, but as my lingerie drawer contents is looking more like ‘lingertoolong’ underwear, my thought process jumps to - need more M&S knickers, about time I went to M&S, England. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>I hear you cry, ‘Why not buy online!</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">’ I have done previously, but there comes a time when the sad knickers are a daily reminder that it has been too long since I have been to England to see family, friends and (stock up on knickers.) There is more to underwear than meets the eye. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>Yes, I can buy them online, but then buying them will allow me to put off making decisions for a trip that I know I need to do anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My underwear may not be the dictator of my homeland trip but it is definitely a mark in time. It's been long enough since the last visit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>But why do I need to revert to M&S knickers when there are perfectly adequate ones here in New Zealand? Before I start to theorise, I take comfort in that I am not alone. A New Zealander once said that although they have loved working in London for the last few years, when they visit family in NZ, restocking on Bendon, their favourite brand of NZ underwear is a high priority.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> <span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>So why is familiar underwear so precious to us? We are creatures of habit, intrepid explorers, prepared to give up friends, family and familiarity of our homeland, but when it comes to the garments most intimate with us, only the most familiar will do. Perhaps as migrants we feel we have changed and adapted enough, that having to find another underwear that fits and is comfortable is just one change too many. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>Fashion gurus, stylists and underwear salespeople will tell you that with great underwear, you will feel great. So maybe with familiar underwear, the underwear of our formative years, we can feel a familiarity. Outwardly we appear to be fully acclimatised to our new environment, whereas secretly in an undercover-underwear kind of way we are holding onto a piece of our previous life. On a daily basis the underclothes give us secret comfort. Be ready M&S a bulk purchase is coming up.</span></div>
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-67833580774922617082016-10-29T13:02:00.000+13:002016-10-29T13:04:09.184+13:0012 reasons why migrants make good artists.<br />
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I have come across interesting books, talks, artists, singers, generally great creative people who are migrants. A quick search reveals some of the famous migrant artists or creative people.<br />
<i>In </i><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/expatpicturegalleries/9403459/Famous-immigrants-to-the-UK.html?image=20" target="_blank"><i>20 famous migrants</i></a><i> to the UK,</i> migrant artists/creatives include Handel, Karl Marx, Sigmund Fred, Marks and Spencer originators. In the United States of America <a href="http://www.biography.com/people/groups/immigration-us-immigrant" target="_blank">famous migrant</a> artists include Einstein, Bruce Willis, Joni Mitchell, Isabell Allende, Charlize Theron.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jacob Lawrence Migration Series</td></tr>
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The list of migrant artists is endless. Have a search for migrant artists in the country you live in.<br />
The twelve reasons migrants make good artists could be expanded. Should you have some more to add then type away in the comments below.<br />
Migrant art offers a fresh perspective. The combination of the artist's countries produces art that keeps us stimulated. The differences are what makes the art attractive or interesting.<br />
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"A lot of flowers make a bouquet." Muslim origin</div>
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12 reasons migrants make good artists.<br />
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<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Migrants are familiar with being an </span><a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7qzz5LC80dYcFdnM2V2UTU1WEE/view?usp=sharing" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">outsider,</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> criticised and or</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt;"> judged</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt;">. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Migrants are different in </span><a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/2014/06/accents.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">accent</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, appearance or actions. Because of these differences, migrants are continually developing their feeling of being integrated.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Migrants are motivated people. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">They are familiar with change, and open to non-conformity.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Your formative years' environment and support network </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt;">influences how you live as an adult.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> You have</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt;"> preconceived ideas about what is normality. By changing countries you can literally shed any preconceived ideas and reinvent yourself. A migrant can consider themselves to be like a blank canvas.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Migrants are abl</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">e to be objective about what they see around them. A traveler appreciates characteristics of </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">the country they were brought up in </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt;">when they are away from it. The distance helps the traveler create objective opinions. Similarly the migrant artist's objectivity helps create art. This art introduces a new perspective to the migrant's host country.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">The migrant artist has the perspective of two countries to create art. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Migrants have a start with no reputation to lose or spoil.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Migrants are practiced at being observers. They have lingered in the background as they have discerned what is offensive and what is not. Comedian and show host Graham Norton has said that being brought up as a Protestant in a Catholic country made him feel an outsider. In an article by </span><i style="background-color: white;"><a class="validation-enabled valid-link" href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10374258/Graham-Norton-Being-gay-is-easy-its-harder-to-be-camp.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Telegraph Group Ltd</span></a></i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">he said being an <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7qzz5LC80dYcFdnM2V2UTU1WEE/view" target="_blank">outsider</a> gave him the skills to be a successful show host. He is happy to observe, ask the questions rather than feel he has to be one of the group answering the questions. A comedian will use their observations to gain the most laughs. An artist can use their observations to help create their art.</span></li>
<li>Migrants have had their sense of belonging disturbed, disconnected<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">and reconnected. This uprooting is </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">emotive</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">. Creative expression can help the artist work through the transition of identifying which connections they want to keep and which the migrant is happy to let go.</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></li>
<li>A desire to share the trauma of disconnection<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">can be strong enough not only to create, but to communicate. Telling people about your struggles as a migrant is not always well received. But showing them a piece of art, prose, play, song or joke communicates the message in a less confrontational way. The art is an opinion the artist has made public. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> not so much, '</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Let's</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> have a dialogue about this' rather, 'This is a piece of art. Dwell on it and if you feel moved, tell me what it made you think.'</span></li>
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<li><i>A</i>uthor Edwidge Danticat's blog, "<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/08/all-immigrants-are-artists/279087/" target="_blank">All immigrants are artists</a>" suggested, before a migrant thinks about creating a piece of art, they already have lived art creation.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "lyon text" , "georgia" , "times" , serif; font-size: 18px;">"Trying to start a life in a strange land is an artistic feat of the highest order, one that ranks with (or perhaps above) our greatest cultural achievements."</span></blockquote>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Human Migration</td></tr>
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If you would like to browse through some migrant works, I have found these:<br />
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<a href="http://www.dlgvisablog.com/blog/2015/9/16/5-of-the-best-plays-about-the-immigrant-experience" target="_blank">Immigrant plays</a><br />
<a href="http://www.ranker.com/list/best-songs-about-immigration/reference?var=3&utm_expid=16418821-248.QJGkSDkwQvq0W_x5HvdYsQ.2&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.co.nz%2F" target="_blank">Immigrant songs</a><br />
<a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/chikao/17-books-that-perfectly-captures-the-immigrant-exp-190fm?utm_term=.afGo6LRjd#.aqAXWJnVE" target="_blank">Immigrant books</a><br />
<a href="http://www.uhpress.hawaii.edu/p-9225-9780824839413.aspx">Japanese New York: Migrant Artists and Self-reinvention on the World Stage</a><br />
<a href="http://migrantemotions.blogspot.co.nz/p/book-for-sale.html" target="_blank">The Emotional Challenges of Immigration</a><br />
<a href="http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/celebrities/did-you-know-these-celebrities-are-immigrants-1.5579736" target="_blank">Immigrant actors</a><br />
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<br />Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5012890060597301427.post-42622172825880791042016-09-07T09:15:00.000+12:002016-09-21T16:26:20.308+12:00Ten tips to make a great first impression<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;"><b>Ten tips to make a great first impression</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">First impressions are influential, you don’t get a second chance. What do first impressions mean for an immigrant? This was part of Newsletter 12, but as it was so popular, I thought it worth its own blog. This blog will look at:</span></div>
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<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">First impressions of the place you have chosen to live.</span></li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My first impression of New Zealand</span></li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">First impressions of people you see in that place. </span></li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">First impressions of how people see you.</span></li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">How migrants can make a great first impression.<a name='more'></a></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>First Impressions of the place you have chosen to live</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> The initial weeks or months in a new country will be an assault on your senses. There is so much to take in. As you process the differences and live through the <a class="validating" data-cke-saved-href="https://vimeo.com/123996398" href="https://vimeo.com/123996398" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">culture shock</a>, you will be forming your </span>first impressions. These first impressions are likely to still be vivid years later. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> There are re</span><span style="background-color: initial;">sources </span><span style="background-color: initial;">online</span><span style="background-color: initial;"> to help new immigrants. Some share stories and videos of immigrants’ first impressions. Have a look at the links below. I love the comment about fruit on steroids! One of my first impressions of New Zealand was either a distortion or a quick introduction to the fundamental characteristics of the country. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>My first impression of New Zealand</b></span></div>
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<a class="aw-image-link" href="http://www.migrantemotions.com/" rel="nofollow" style="clear: left; color: #889922; float: left; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><img align="left" alt="Image" aw-attributes="src,alt,width,height" border="0" class="model" height="185" src="https://hostedimages-cdn.aweber-static.com/Nzk2NTgx/original/5d22451a6fb243458c9c3a68cd95076f.jpeg" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: none; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 1px 1px 5px; height: 185px; margin: auto; padding: 8px; position: relative; width: 275px;" width="275" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I had been in NZ a week. A school friend had lent me her car while she holidayed in Bali. Saturday afternoon I swiftly exited Auckland city and headed for a youth hostel in the “Jewel of New Zealand,” the Coromandel Peninsula. I was on my first mission to explore New Zealand. My first impression; there was no one around. I mean no one on the country roads or outside the houses, and yet I was less than an hour out of the biggest New Zealand city. I knew New Zealand had a tenth the population of the UK, but to see no car or person for an hour was weird. especially as I was on a main road (the big signs told me so.) On the way I stopped at a shop with a cream cone sign on top of it. It sold basic groceries as well, useful as I needed some bread. The display offered unfamiliar ice cream flavours; Hokey Pokey, Orange Chocolate chip, and then the more familiar, Rum and Raisin, and Vanilla.</span></div>
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<a class="aw-image-link" href="http://www.migrantemotions.com/" rel="nofollow" style="clear: right; color: #889922; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"><img align="right" alt="Image" aw-attributes="src,alt,width,height" border="0" class="model" height="158px" src="https://hostedimages-cdn.aweber-static.com/Nzk2NTgx/original/9a51f35c662545b592017d062acbbe4d.jpeg" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: none; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 1px 1px 5px; height: 158px; margin: auto; padding: 8px; position: relative; width: 319px;" width="319px" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> The shop was empty. I pondered over choosing a new flavour or sticking with a familiar one. Once I had decided, I coughed and hummed and whistled, but no-one appeared even though I could hear a TV in the background. Bored of waiting I thought of leaving, but the idea of Rum and Raisin had made me salivate, and I wanted to buy bread.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> “Hello…Hello? I’d like to buy an ice cream.” A chair scraped and there was the sound of a door being tugged open. A deep scowl preceded the vision of a woman large enough to fill the door frame. Her eyes were large and round and her head shook a little. (Similar to the Maori Challenge expression, I was later to find out.) “May I have a Rum and Raisin ice cream please? One scoop.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> “Tourist.” Pretty obvious with my accent, I thought. However I do like to think of myself as a traveler, an inquisitive traveler, ready to engage with the people of the country I'm in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> “Quiet today, isn’t it?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> “Well everyone is watching the game.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> “The game? I’m afraid I don’t watch much sport.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> She lifted her head momentarily. Through the ice cream display I watched her eyebrows knit together and reach towards her hairline. She said,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> “The World Cup!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> "Oh, okay</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">." I replied.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Before she finished scooping she announced, “a dollar.” Exchanging ice cream for dollar, she took the note with her as she disappeared through the door frame to continue watching 'The game.' Perhaps I won’t buy some bread here after all, I thought. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Back on the road, the absence of humans still didn’t make sense. World Cup this and that came and went in London without me batting an eyelid. There were always people around. This was in New Zealand though. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> What I didn’t know at that time of 3.30pm on Saturday 19th June 1987, was that this was <strong>the day</strong> for New Zealand. It was the day NZ won the Rugby World Cup at home for the first time. Go the All Blacks! The whole of New Zealand (except me apparently) was watching the game. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>Now I have lived in New Zealand for nearly three decades I can appreciate that this experience was an apt first impression of the place. The whole country often stops everything for sport. However they also are on the move a lot, especially to their favorite places such as the Coromandel Peninsula, and they like ice creams. It was only another hour before I found the youth hostel. It was in the most beautiful and peaceful places I had ever been to. It was during that stay that I fell in love with New Zealand. My impressive first impression.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Hopefully you will be exposed to a variety of people in your adopted country to gain your first impression.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span><span style="line-height: 18px;">Most non-migrants are flattered that you have left your homeland to live in theirs. Watch them and learn their ways of life, their culture.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> My first impression of New Zealanders </span><span style="background-color: initial;">were</span><span style="background-color: initial;"> people who were friendly, and proud of their country.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Good or bad experiences with one or two individuals will not necessarily be how all people of that nation are. Focus on the positive experiences.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> If you find that during your first impressions there are characteristics that you are not comfortable with, give it time. Often when we are faced with new features we are uncomfortable -the idea of having to learn Microsoft 10 fills me with dread. However, once we have become used to the new, we can appreciate and enjoy what the new or different can offer.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>First impressions of how people see you</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Whether an immigrant or not, the impression you make on others will depend on the other's preconceptions of ethnicity, racism and prejudice. The impression will also depend on the context within which you meet people.<br /> As an immigrant, your appearance, ethnicity and/or your accent will show you are 'not from here'. You may have encounters where you are made to feel unwelcome or are reminded that you are an <a class="valid-link validation-enabled
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>How migrants can make a great first impression</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: initial;"> </span>Most of the information available on how to make a good first impression is generated for interviews or romance. The principles, such as shown on the Mind Tools<a class="validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/FirstImpressions.htm" href="http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/FirstImpressions.htm" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;"> blog</a> on making a good impression, are the same for migrants, with a few additions. Here are my suggestions: </span><br />
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<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As a migrant your accent or your appearance will give you away. Be proud of yourself.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Be open minded and welcoming yourself.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Find out the appropriate way to greet people in the culture you are in. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.slideshare.net/nancyraquel1/what-are-some-differences-in-greeting-in-other-countries" href="http://www.slideshare.net/nancyraquel1/what-are-some-differences-in-greeting-in-other-countries" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Read more here</a>. </span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Consider yourself a guest in the country in which you have chosen to live. Until you become more established, you will probably feel like a guest anyway. A guest is conscious of using their best manners.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Respect the cultural norms. If you don’t know them, find them out by asking or <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.intercultures.ca/cil-cai/countryinsights-apercuspays-eng.asp" href="http://www.intercultures.ca/cil-cai/countryinsights-apercuspays-eng.asp" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">research.</a> Brought up in England, I was often told that you don’t talk about money, politics or religion. In other countries, talking about money <span class="">may be</span> the norm. </span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When you greet with a smile, make sure the smile is a genuine one.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you make mistakes, apologise if necessary and/or laugh them off.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you don't make a good first impression, take time out to analyse what it went wrong. </span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Don’t set yourself up for failure. As a migrant you have to go out and meet people, make connections. Sometimes you are more in the mood than other times. If you in the mood, great. If not, don’t force it. Being a new immigrant can be exhausting because you are continually processing new information. Pace yourself. If you are not in the mood to meet people, either don’t, or get yourself in the mood by watching humorous You Tube videos.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Realise that your first impressions, those you receive and give, are not the only impression. Keep working on making the best impression you can.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Russian-speaking migrants' first impressions of Seattle. Including the steroid oranges. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled
validating" data-cke-saved-href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s44IUvY64BE" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s44IUvY64BE" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Canada's perspective on all countries is a great introduction to cultural norms. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.intercultures.ca/cil-cai/countryinsights-apercuspays-eng.asp" href="http://www.intercultures.ca/cil-cai/countryinsights-apercuspays-eng.asp" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">10 Cultural dos and taboos <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.oh-i-see.com/blog/2013/03/04/10-cultural-dos-and-taboos-chatting-around-the-world/" href="http://www.oh-i-see.com/blog/2013/03/04/10-cultural-dos-and-taboos-chatting-around-the-world/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">15 immigrants give their first impression of America. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/15-immigrants-give-first-impressions-america/" href="http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/15-immigrants-give-first-impressions-america/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A month studying Spanish in Costa Rica. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="https://wflcenter.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/first-impressions-in-a-foreign-country/" href="https://wflcenter.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/first-impressions-in-a-foreign-country/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Topics of conversation that are considered taboo in America and why. <a class="validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.quora.com/What-topics-of-conversation-are-considered-taboo-in-America-that-arent-in-other-countries-Why" href="http://www.quora.com/What-topics-of-conversation-are-considered-taboo-in-America-that-arent-in-other-countries-Why" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Making a great first impression from Mind Tools. <a class="validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/FirstImpressions.htm" href="http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/FirstImpressions.htm" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Forbes Idea of ways to make a great first impression. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/yec/2011/11/02/5-ways-to-make-a-killer-first-impression/" href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/yec/2011/11/02/5-ways-to-make-a-killer-first-impression/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A reminder on racism and jokes. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="http://www.americandiversityreport.com/do-you-laugh-when-someone-stereotypes-another-by-julia-wai-yin-so-phd/#more-1415" href="http://www.americandiversityreport.com/do-you-laugh-when-someone-stereotypes-another-by-julia-wai-yin-so-phd/#more-1415" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Finally, your first impressions may be wrong. <a class="valid-link validation-enabled validating" data-cke-saved-href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whbLpfQ46L8" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whbLpfQ46L8" rel="nofollow" style="color: #889922; outline: none; text-decoration: none;">Link here</a></span></div>
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Ellie Bakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18211146735505866671noreply@blogger.com0