Surrogate Grandparents

I have previously written about the importance of grandparent/grandchild relationships. As a mother, I missed my children having both of their sets of grandparents around. I have heard adults including my grown children say they feel they missed out from not having both sets of grandparents nearby. Friends, now grandparents themselves have described how they have missed having their grandchild close. It doesn't matter how many toys the grandparents send, and jumpers they knit, not having their grandchildren around is a void in their lives.

Surrogate grand parenting is one way to alleviate the missing for both generations.  Succinctly put by a blog in grandparents.com

“If grandparents did not exist, children would surely invent them.”

...a line from the book Grandparents/Grandchildren: The Vital Connection (Doubleday) that my husband, Ken Woodward, and Arthur Kornhaber, M.D., wrote more than two decades ago.

"They’re not our grandkids. And we don’t take the place of their grandparents. But we share a very special bond that only these two generations can really understand. It allows us to pour out some grandparenting love and savvy on two adorable kids who really appreciate it.

My grandkids don’t have the need for a substitute grandparent, as they live in cities where they have the real McCoy. And while I know what a help this is to the parents and how much fun it is for the grandkids, there are times when I can’t help but feeling jealous. Especially when they call to tell us about a trip to the aquarium or an overnight with their local grandparents. So this across-the-street relationship we have built with these youngsters is as nice for us as it is for them."

If you are interested in becoming a surrogate grandparents,there are websites that can arrange the connection. By searching in facebook for Surrogate Grandparents in your country or area, you are likely to find a match. Here are some other links that I have found:
http://volunteergrandparents.ca/
http://www.findagrandparent.org.au/faq.asp
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2017/surrogate-grandparents-benefits-fd.html
http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/surrogate-grandparents-scheme/news-story/f1eba1efc48fd582b0fc8f36766ffe77
https://www.surrogategrandparents.org.nz/

On the subject of grandparents, in case you haven't seen this post already...
11+ Ways to improve thegrandparent grandchild relationship
 

Let us know about how you have overcome missing your grandparents, your children's grandparents or if you are a grandparent, your grandchildren, by writing in the comments below.

Ten ways to make goodbyes easier

I have written three blogs on saying goodbye. In these blogs I divided up the ten tips with more information, (links below) but here they are in pure point form for those of you who enjoy summaries.

1. Decide on what is best for you and the people you are leaving. Long goodbyes aren't necessarily
   
   easier. Overseas Emigration blog says,"A friend gave me great advice about leaving and going to the airport. They suggested I say goodbye to my family at home and then ask a best friend to take me to the airport; to say your goodbyes to close family members at the security gate is just too emotionally charged."  
2. Having been through many airport goodbyes, I now tend to limit the time at the airport to a cup of coffee, I have not been in the frame of mind to shop or browse with the people I am about to leave. 
3. If the goodbye has felt rushed and chaotic, if you are the one leaving, you have the privacy of a long plane journey to feel sad.
   
4. Be honest with your goodbyes. Say what you feel and when it comes to the final parting, don't draw it out. You have to part sometime. In Wikihow method two, long term goodbyes suggest being brief and sincere. 
5. Offer a memento, a photo, a card, a souvenir of your time together. It may be worth giving the gift before the airport. A metre tall cuddly toy may not be welcome at the last moment. Great for cuddling but it may not fit in the baggage plans of the person leaving. Smaller items need thought through too. I once had to turn down a goodbye gift because it didn't meet airline safety specifications.
6. If you are visiting your homeland or your loved ones are visiting you, toast the goodbye in a place that you enjoy being in, one that you can have good memories of. A last meal, a pleasant walk. Talk over some of the good times you have had.
   
7. Realise that in the build up to saying goodbye, there maybe anxieties or unusual behaviour. Either party is upset at the prospect of loss and this may be shown in being easily irritated or angry. Be aware that the anger is not directed at you but at the situation. Perhaps suggest that it is a tense time for you both. Be gentle with each other. Read more from Swedish Psychologist Dr Julie S. Lungdren and the first half of the  article "How to keep the 'good' in goodbye in the Wall Street Journal. 
8. Make a tentative arrangement for when you will see each other or contact each other again, even if it is not certain, it gives you a connection to hold onto.
9. Be aware of PLT - Pre leaving tension. Not just the behaviour as in tip 7 but the tensions and tears beforehand. Read more here, part of Chapter 7 of The Emotional Challenges of Immigration
10. Goodbyes are part of life's progression. You have to say goodbye to stages of your life to make space for new experiences, new people. Embrace the change.
    

More information in these blogs Goodbyes, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Warning: Emotions overpower economics for return migrants

 As a migrant you may have a better lifestyle, a satisfying job and prospects of a great education for your children, as well as a continual sense of discovery in your adopted country, but is this enough? For some migrants an underlying 'missing' can become overwhelming. Read more in the
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What would make you return? Please comment below.