Homesickness? Last minute top tips for those away from home at Christmas Season

Tomorrow is Christmas day  in New Zealand. I am looking forward to it.

Until my mid-twenties Christmas was feasting on turkey and Christmas pudding with a large family, walking off the feast at dusk, (rarely in snow), and then snacking on Quality Street, cold turkey, satsumas and nuts as we slouched around the fire.

Then I did the traveling thing.

Christmas was full of differences. Long summer days, (not necessarily sunny), ham, salads and trifle and no family around. There was phone calls, but the longer the phone call was, the more you missed the people you talked to. We were apart.

Having spent over three decades, with a different Christmas, I have learnt to accept it for what it is. This year Christmas is different again, not because my two oldest are absent again, but because this time we have two lovely travelers with us, my nephew and his girlfriend. So migrants and travelers out there here are some tips for Christmas away from loved ones. I hope some of them help.

• Every Christmas is different in some way. Christmas changes throughout your life. Acknowledge and delight in the differences of your unique Christmas this year.
• If the Christmas you are spending is very different, look at it through, 'this is bizarre' eyes, and smile.
• When connecting with distant loved ones on the day through phone/social media note:
• The festivity is disjointed. You are in different time zones. For example, if you are in the same time zone as NZ, you do Christmas before anyone else. You are 'over Christmas' by 10pm whereas UK is just getting started at 9am. The atmosphere from either ends of the phone will be different which can add to the feelings of distance.
• Keep the conversations short. The reception is likely to be weak and the phone call/Skype etc. is likely to be intermittent. Don't spend too long on the phone, just enough time to say I love you,  I miss you, (if you do), I hope you have a great day. Plan to have a chat soon to let them know how it went.
• It is likely that you will feel sad at some stage in the day. That is okay. If you are much more sad than glad, make a list of what would make it better for you for next year.
• For a variety of reasons you are not with some of your loved ones.  Remember you still can have a good day. Be positive about your presence.
• If the people around you do not ask, offer as a conversation piece, the highlights of your Christmas day, and how it is different, but avoid whose Christmas is better. Christmas is not a competition. Every Christmas is different in some way.

I would like to wish you a meaningful unique Christmas, and a season where the peace, hope and love lasts much longer than the leftovers.

Surrogate Grandparents

I have previously written about the importance of grandparent/grandchild relationships. As a mother, I missed my children having both of their sets of grandparents around. I have heard adults including my grown children say they feel they missed out from not having both sets of grandparents nearby. Friends, now grandparents themselves have described how they have missed having their grandchild close. It doesn't matter how many toys the grandparents send, and jumpers they knit, not having their grandchildren around is a void in their lives.

Surrogate grand parenting is one way to alleviate the missing for both generations.  Succinctly put by a blog in grandparents.com

“If grandparents did not exist, children would surely invent them.”

...a line from the book Grandparents/Grandchildren: The Vital Connection (Doubleday) that my husband, Ken Woodward, and Arthur Kornhaber, M.D., wrote more than two decades ago.

"They’re not our grandkids. And we don’t take the place of their grandparents. But we share a very special bond that only these two generations can really understand. It allows us to pour out some grandparenting love and savvy on two adorable kids who really appreciate it.

My grandkids don’t have the need for a substitute grandparent, as they live in cities where they have the real McCoy. And while I know what a help this is to the parents and how much fun it is for the grandkids, there are times when I can’t help but feeling jealous. Especially when they call to tell us about a trip to the aquarium or an overnight with their local grandparents. So this across-the-street relationship we have built with these youngsters is as nice for us as it is for them."

If you are interested in becoming a surrogate grandparents,there are websites that can arrange the connection. By searching in facebook for Surrogate Grandparents in your country or area, you are likely to find a match. Here are some other links that I have found:
http://volunteergrandparents.ca/
http://www.findagrandparent.org.au/faq.asp
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2017/surrogate-grandparents-benefits-fd.html
http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/surrogate-grandparents-scheme/news-story/f1eba1efc48fd582b0fc8f36766ffe77
https://www.surrogategrandparents.org.nz/

On the subject of grandparents, in case you haven't seen this post already...
11+ Ways to improve thegrandparent grandchild relationship
 

Let us know about how you have overcome missing your grandparents, your children's grandparents or if you are a grandparent, your grandchildren, by writing in the comments below.

11+ ways to improve the grandparent grandchild relationship Part 2

Add caption

Continuing on. Part 1 covered items 1-5. This blog will cover the remainder. I'd love to hear your comments and experiences 

What are some of the challenges? 

1.Keeping in contact enough.

2.Remembering that communication is a two-way act.

3.Language.

4.Virtual grandparents.

5.Accents can hinder the ease of communication. 

6.New cultural and behavioural norms.

7.Reluctance.

8.Environmental differences.

9.Visits there or here.

10.Quantity v quality.

11.Talking it up

How can the challenges be overcome?

11+ ways to improve the grandparent grandchild relationship part 1

“I must have been crazy. I’ve taken my parents away from my children!” Jessica

“I was really close to my grandparents when I was growing up, it is such a different sort of relationship to [the one you have with] your parents. I am sad my children aren’t going to have that.” Rebecca

 Quotes from my book, The Emotional Challenges of Immigration, Strategies and stories of those who stayed.

Grandparents and grandchildren have a unique relationship, however when you are a migrant, this unique relationship is challenged by distance.


What are some of the challenges? 

1.Keeping in contact enough.