Homesickness? Last minute top tips for those away from home at Christmas Season

Tomorrow is Christmas day  in New Zealand. I am looking forward to it.

Until my mid-twenties Christmas was feasting on turkey and Christmas pudding with a large family, walking off the feast at dusk, (rarely in snow), and then snacking on Quality Street, cold turkey, satsumas and nuts as we slouched around the fire.

Then I did the traveling thing.

Christmas was full of differences. Long summer days, (not necessarily sunny), ham, salads and trifle and no family around. There was phone calls, but the longer the phone call was, the more you missed the people you talked to. We were apart.

Having spent over three decades, with a different Christmas, I have learnt to accept it for what it is. This year Christmas is different again, not because my two oldest are absent again, but because this time we have two lovely travelers with us, my nephew and his girlfriend. So migrants and travelers out there here are some tips for Christmas away from loved ones. I hope some of them help.

• Every Christmas is different in some way. Christmas changes throughout your life. Acknowledge and delight in the differences of your unique Christmas this year.
• If the Christmas you are spending is very different, look at it through, 'this is bizarre' eyes, and smile.
• When connecting with distant loved ones on the day through phone/social media note:
• The festivity is disjointed. You are in different time zones. For example, if you are in the same time zone as NZ, you do Christmas before anyone else. You are 'over Christmas' by 10pm whereas UK is just getting started at 9am. The atmosphere from either ends of the phone will be different which can add to the feelings of distance.
• Keep the conversations short. The reception is likely to be weak and the phone call/Skype etc. is likely to be intermittent. Don't spend too long on the phone, just enough time to say I love you,  I miss you, (if you do), I hope you have a great day. Plan to have a chat soon to let them know how it went.
• It is likely that you will feel sad at some stage in the day. That is okay. If you are much more sad than glad, make a list of what would make it better for you for next year.
• For a variety of reasons you are not with some of your loved ones.  Remember you still can have a good day. Be positive about your presence.
• If the people around you do not ask, offer as a conversation piece, the highlights of your Christmas day, and how it is different, but avoid whose Christmas is better. Christmas is not a competition. Every Christmas is different in some way.

I would like to wish you a meaningful unique Christmas, and a season where the peace, hope and love lasts much longer than the leftovers.

Changing Perceptions of Migrants

“Jenny had it the hardest,” said Jenny's father Glen. “She was having a baby in the UK and we weren't there. They kick you out after a day over there.”

My feet shuffled. My lips pursed. Three times I had had babies without my parents around. I disagreed with Glen’s negative description of having babies in UK.  During a deep breath I noted that what rattled me most was the change in Glen's perception of his daughter's time in UK.

While Glen's daughter was in UK Glen described everything to be okay over there; having babies, working, childcare, even the delights of a winter Christmas. It was all okay because it needed to be for Glen. Now Jenny is back in her homeland, her time in UK in hindsight is open to criticism. Glen's perception of Jenny's time in UK has changed.

Lady or Granny?

Musician or Face?

Our perception changes to suit us. We may be aware of the change.

Looking at the pictures, you can either see the two images easily or you have to work at it. Our perception can change subconsciously or consciously. Sometimes the perception adjustment can take a great deal of effort.

Both migrants and their loved ones have changes in perception of the migrant’s host country and homeland.

 Changing perceptions of a migrant. 

🥛 Glass half full or half empty	Perception Homeland	Perception Host Country
On leaving	Half empty	Half full	Excited about leaving. An adventure ahead
Culture  shock	Half empty	Half empty	Adjustment needed
Enjoying host country	Half empty	Half full
Homesick	Half full	Half empty
Acceptance of differences	Half empty Half full	Half empty Half full	As long as there is enough

Migrants’ loved ones changing perception. Mila leaves her homeland.

🥛 Glass half full or half empty	Perception Homeland	Perception Host Country
On leaving	Half full	Half empty	Can’t understand why she has to go. Our place is good enough for us, why not for Mila?
Getting used to Mila being away	Half full	Half empty
Hearing Mila enjoying the host country	Half full	Half full	Mental adjustment. Being open-minded to Mila’s host country.
Visiting and having a good time in Mila’s new country	Half full	Half full	Making good memories in host country
If Mila returns to homeland permanently	Half full	Half empty	No need to adjust anymore

Migrant's perception changes for both the migrant's survival and for the migrant to get the most out of the country they have chosen to live in.

For the migrants' loved ones. 

When migrant's loved ones adjust their perception to embrace the host country the conversations can flow more easily which helps the to maintain a connection between the migrant and those they love.
The 'us' and 'them' feeling and language lessens.

If  migrant Mila returns to her homeland for good, the open and positive perception from her loved ones is less necessary. A conscious and or an unconscious bias against Mila's previous host country returns. Glen's language of using 'they' and 'them' and 'over there' revealed his  unconscious bias against UK.

Good to know:

1. People's perception changes. Be aware of your changing perception or the people around you.
2. The perception is often influenced by the fact that many people like to feel they are living in the 'best place.'
3. The unconscious bias against a country or people can be changed. Reflective listening and gentle education helps to show people another perspective.  

  

"We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are." Anais Nin

Do you have expereinces of changed perception? Let me know in the comments.