Marriage communication and picking plums

How can picking plums help your marriage as a migrant or someone in a transnational relationship? Find out by reading the latest newsletter. The tip given here will help any form of communication. Read this and more in Newsletter 9.
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Ten tips for easier goodbyes part 1

"The truth is that goodbyes never get easier, no matter how many times you rehearse them.  And expat life guarantees an assault course of farewells, demanding a strong constitution, nerves of steel and significant emotional muscle." Says Victoria Scott. 

This is the first of a series of posts on goodbyes. there will be stories and tips on lessening the fear  of goodbyes. Emigration can give you possibly your hardest goodbye. Unfortunately, it is not your last.

Once you have emigrated, there will be more goodbyes; the times you visit your loved ones and they visit you. Sometimes the fear of the goodbye starts before you have said hello. One of the immigrants interviewed in the book, The Emotional Challenges of Immigration, noted that as her mother was only visiting for two weeks, she felt there was always a feeling that there would have to be a goodbye soon. She said it left a cloud over whole the visit. I too have felt the dread of goodbyes before I start the visit. I now try to focus on hellos and making memories to carry me beyond the goodbye.

Goodbyes are sad because of the love you feel for the person you are leaving. By acknowledging feeling sad at saying goodbye is part of the loving, you take the first step to feeling less negative about the goodbye.


My worst goodbye as an immigrant was the most fumbled too.

2001 we all went to visit my family for Christmas. Mid-January four children under nine and I were at Heathrow Airport checking in to fly back to New Zealand. My husband had left a week before. A dozen extended family members were also there to see us off. Five check-in bags were bulging with Christmas presents. I had been worried about the weight of the bags until I was asked whether there were any batteries inside them. I had no idea where Buzzlightyear or other possible battery toys were. I wasn't even sure which toys made it into the bags. My nephew came to the rescue as he organised family members to help search for the offending toys. I watched my children begin to melt as the cases and their toys were pulled apart. Perhaps I could cancel the departure? Apparently not. An airport escort with an empty wheelchair stood at our counter and called my name.

9 Strategies For A Happier Immigrant Christmas

Newsletter 8

• Find help in the crazy holiday season. 
• Why is Christmas hard for immigrants, what can you do to help? 
• Find out what other people in the world do for the season, from an Ethiopian who took the emigrated to America to fellow-migrant to Pope Francis. 
• A link to a website offering more help for people living abroad. 

All this and more in my latest newsletter. Follow the link. 
Newsletter 8 - November 2014

Do you have any suggestions to add to help immigrants or the people they love during this time? What has made this season easier or harder for you? I would love to hear your comments.

Is this the best place to live?

As an immigrant and particularly since launching my book, I have been asked, "Which is the best country to live in?"

This question still stalls me. However as it has been over 27 years since I moved countries, I have had time to think about the question and my possible answers.

Why are they asking? Often the person asking the question would like to hear that their country is the best country in the world. And why not? There are regular media articles listing, "The best country for happiness, education, health, wealth etc." An immigrant's opinion gives the questioner an opportunity to hear that the questioner's homeland is better than the immigrant's homeland.  The questioner gets to hear that they are living in the world's best country. If I was to answer, "Yes! This is the best place," I may make the questioner happy, but I would be doing both myself a disservice and the other people I have witnessed in other countries having a great life.

There are features that suit me. My answer is usually that there are many aspects of New Zealand I enjoy. I would list some of them: the low population density, beautiful scenery, indigenous culture, resourceful attitude. But I have seen people in other countries who are also having a great life, living among the features of the country that country suit them.

There are stages too. A country may be the best country for some people at some stage in their life. Young travellers or migrants may come to New Zealand for an appreciation of outdoor living, national parks and adventure tourism. Many return to their homeland for familiarity and the economic advantages of a larger population. Similarly many New Zealanders spend a couple of years overseas to enjoy the life a major city and larger population has to offer. They often earn higher wages than they could in New Zealand. However, when they have children, they may be inclined to return to the familiarity of their homeland to give their children the same childhood experiences they had.

Loving your own garden

Happiness in village life in Northern India 

It is what you know best. Someone who has been through emigration knows more than one place really well. They will often have two places they refer to as home. A non-immigrant is in the country they have lived in all their life, so perceives it to be the best place for them. My mother loves the rich culture of London, her friends and family, her beautiful garden. It is the place she knows best. Similarly, a family in India have happiness in their familiar surroundings, so they are likely to perceive it to be the best place for them.


What do you like best? Which is the best place to live in is like asking what is your favorite colour or season, song, sport or idea of a holiday. It depends on your preferences. It depends on what gives you happiness.
If you want to test whether you are in the best place for you below are links to some fun quizzes to try. I tried three of them and was told I should live in NZ, the Virgin Islands and Sweden. On another day and in a different frame of mind I may come up with different ones again. Have fun with them.
playbuzz.com, selectsmart.com,gotoquiz.com


For a person who has a transnational perspective, answering whether they are in the best country is not straight forward. Feeling the country you are in is a great place to live will help you feel happier to be there, and that may be enough. If you have migrated, or moved to another country, even temporarily then I suggest you focus on what you can do to make the place you are living in, the best country for you at this stage. You may love some or all of the features of the country you are living in. Unfamiliar features may irritate you, especially at first. If you can acknowledge the differences and then learn ways to appreciate them, it will be a  better place to live. You can read more about this in my book, The Emotional Challenges of Immigration. An excerpt from the chapter The Settling Process, starts here:

Acknowledge the differences

If you can identify and acknowledge differences between your adopted country and your homeland, it can be easier to see these objectively – neither better nor worse, just different.

Book launch was great

 The launch was great. Have a look at the latest Newsletter for more highlights and thoughts on the launch, as well as information on double wedding ceremonies, and what does it cost to go to your homeland over 20+ years?

If you want to see the whole launch speech  click here.

Books have arrived

The finally waited for book is in my hot hands and yes it feels good.
I'm getting things sorted for the book launch, 8 days away as I write. I hope it will be as fun as gawking at and stroking the book has been.
This migrant is a happy one right now. I wouldn't have written this book if I hadn't been one. Its funny how life pans out.

The book is available on Amazon for Non-New Zealanders. New Zealand can buy it from Fishpond once the launch has happened or contact me through my email.More information go the the Book for Sale tab.

Book Launch

Here is the proof the book is on its way!